Remind her of misery of living with her mom

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for three years, and we have an 18-month-old daughter. The problem is my mother-in-law, “Betty.”

Betty moved in with us because she is disabled and cannot get a steady job. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but the entire situation turned into a disaster. My wife and her mother constantly argued, and the stress began affecting our relationship. It drove all of us into counseling and finally boiled over when Betty threatened to slap my wife. I threw her out of the house.

Since then, Betty has been staying with other relatives, and we’ve been in perpetual bliss. My wife has expressed great relief about it several times. Yet my wife and her mother have stayed in contact and have recently begun talking about having Betty move back in. I absolutely refuse.

I reminded my wife how things were the last time and said I will not allow us to be put into that situation again. Betty is meddlesome, has no respect for our household routine or rules, and insists that everything be done her way. And I most certainly do not want my daughter growing up thinking this is the way a normal relationship operates. Even after stating this, my wife is still talking to Betty about it.

Annie, if Betty moves in, I move out. And I take my daughter with me. That’s how serious I am. You tend to give sound advice, and I respect your opinion, but please don’t say we should seek more therapy. We’ve been down that road. Is there something else you can offer me? – Preparing to Move Out

Dear Preparing: First, make sure your wife really wants her mother to move back in and isn’t just paying lip service to appease her. If she’s serious, you need to sit her down and tell her, firmly, what you told us – that you will take your daughter and leave. If you don’t want more counseling, the next best thing is to find an impartial third party – a friend, family member, clergyperson – who will mediate this impasse and help your wife understand what she is risking.

Dear Annie: I am an 11-year-old girl who is an only child. I come home from school every day with only my bird as company. All my friends have brothers or sisters, and I feel left out and lonely.

I told my parents that I want them to adopt a girl my age so I am not alone, but they don’t want to. I asked about taking in a foster child, and my mom said she’s afraid a lot of those kids have emotional or mental problems. I mean, how rude is that? What can I say or do to help her see that foster kids or adoption would be a great thing for me and the other kid? – Mad in Indiana

Dear Mad: We know you are lonely, but that’s not a good reason to adopt or take in a foster child. Your parents are the ones who will have to care for this child, and if they can’t handle the added responsibility, they are smart to admit it.

You need to find something to do after school and on weekends so your time is occupied and you meet other kids. Have a classmate over. Ask your parents to sign you up for after-school sports, Girl Scouts or community theater for kids. Instead of being lonely, get involved. You’ll feel better. We promise.

Dear Annie: I read the comment from “Martin” about retired husbands. I wanted to share advice from my grandfather, who’s been married 55-plus years. Grandpa said the secret to a long-lasting marriage is kissing terms. He told me, “We are always on kissing terms. Either she’s telling me to kiss her butt or I’m telling her to kiss mine.”

Thought you’d get a good laugh out of that. – Kara in Kenosha, Wis.

Dear Kara: We did, and we thank you. Give our best to Grandpa.