30 too late for change

Q: I have been dating a very sweet woman for a year now. We’re in our early 30s and she’s looking for a commitment, but I’m not sure. She is emotionally needy and requires a lot of hand-holding just to get through everyday life. I’d like to think she’ll outgrow this, but it does trouble me. What do you think?

Steve: You are in violation of one of the Rules of Love: Never date anyone whose problems are bigger than your own.

Mia: I think 30 is a little old for you to expect her to outgrow her problems. If she’s needy now, she’ll be needy 30 years from now. So you have to decide if you can live with it or not.

Q: I recently got back with my girlfriend of seven years. We are now engaged, with a 4-year-old son. She supported me while I was in jail and even helped my business. I was once unfaithful when I was not ready to marry, but now that I am ready, she seems to be testing me. When we were broken up, she went out frequently. She says the phone calls are no longer coming, but I am still not comfortable. Should I abandon this relationship? I am confused.

Mia: I’m confused, too. You’re on, you’re off. You were unfaithful and now you’re worried she’ll be unfaithful? You should talk with each other about what you both want. If you’re on the same page, then commit to marriage together. If not, move on.

Steve: Try to put selfishness aside and speak with your girlfriend about the commitment you ought to be making to your son. Talk it out until you both agree on what should be done and then stick with it. You have a responsibility to him first.

Q: My boyfriend and I are going through a pretty nasty breakup and I’m moving out of the apartment. I’m taking my stuff – he’s keeping his. When we first got together, I had a cat who had kittens, and we kept one of the kittens. The original cat has died. I say that since the current cat was the offspring of my cat, it’s mine. He says she was born while we were together and we own her equally. What do you guys think?

Mia: Who’s the primary caregiver for the cat? I think that person should get ownership. If you think he might forget to put out food and water, then he probably shouldn’t get little Fluffy.

Steve: Perhaps joint custody is the solution. You can keep kitty during the week, then drop your pet off at your ex’s for the weekend.