You can forgive, continue to set refined example

Dear Annie: After 35 years of marriage, I got divorced, and am now dating a man who is warm and good to me. “Tom” and I are attractive people in our early 60s and have dated for three years.

My past life has been very traditional. My ex-husband and Tom have been my only sexual partners. So what is my problem? Tom’s tawdry past is beyond imagination. Since he was a teenager, he has been involved with countless prostitutes and one-night stands. His two ex-wives and most of his past girlfriends have been sleazy, vulgar women who allowed him to take nude photographs and were involved in group sex. I told Tom that I could never debase and degrade myself that way.

I feel uncomfortable when I am introduced to Tom’s friends because I imagine they are thinking that I am just like his previous female acquaintances. Tom understands how I feel. He tells me he loves me and it has taken a long time for him to grow up. He has been faithful to me, and his youth is long past, but I have heard that when people conform to such a decadent lifestyle, it begins to seem ordinary.

The truth is, Tom’s inferior past grates on me. I am not a prude, Annie, but how can people live in such sexual squalor? Do you consider this deviant behavior, or am I out of step? – Louisiana Lady

Dear Louisiana: It may not be deviant, but it is certainly on the dissolute end of normal. That is beside the point. You have been with Tom for three years. Surely by now you know his character and if he is trustworthy. The real decision is whether or not you can forgive his past and live with the idea that other people may get the wrong impression of you. The latter you can overcome by continuing to set a refined example. The former, we cannot help you with. Only you can choose to forgive.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Tired of the Little Mermaid,” who named her daughter Arielle, with the accent on the last syllable. Surely she must have realized that the mispronunciation of her daughter’s name would be a point of frustration at the time she named the girl.

I agree that teachers, classmates and others should try to pronounce Arielle’s name correctly. But the reality is, it will be mispronounced more often than not. When our daughter was born, we knew one choice of name would likely be butchered when spoken without the appropriate accent. I recognized that it would drive me crazy, so we went with choice No. 2. It’s easier to say, has never been mispronounced and is still a beautiful moniker for our little girl.

Although “Tired” can’t go back and rename her child, she can let it go. The correct pronunciation will be music to the child’s ears when spoken lovingly by her mother, family and close friends. – Ms. Many Names, Alaska

Dear Alaska: Thank you for putting a positive spin on the situation. When parents choose a name for their precious child, they often don’t consider the possible ramifications. Nonetheless, whatever name is chosen, others should make an effort to get it right. Here’s one more:

Dear Annie: This is for “Tired”: Get over it! You selected a name that is almost identical to one of the most popular Disney characters. What did you expect?

By choosing such a name, your child is in for a lifetime of mispronunciation. I hope she develops a sense of humor about it. I once met someone named Karin. She said it’s pronounced “Karr-in” as in “Put the ‘car in’ the garage.” After that, I never forgot how to pronounce her name. You might try something like that for Arielle. – Jim, Not Gym, in Connecticut