Summer’s here with a slew of wannabe blockbusters, eager to make or break your faith in Hollywood

As a Vogon poet might say, “O Frettled Gruntbuggly, thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.”

Or something like that. Hearing such jabber is the fate of the more unfortunate characters in Douglas Adams’ radio play/BBC miniseries/novel series and now big-screen motion picture, “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.”

But as anyone experienced in watching summer movies knows, hearing Vogon poetry – “the third worst,” Adams claimed, “in the universe” – is sometimes preferable to another season of blockbuster wannabes. Still, those of us who enjoy movies never fail to feel excited when summer approaches and the movie menu stretches out before us like a banquet at, say, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

The movie version of “Hitchhiker’s Guide,” which is based on a screenplay that Adams wrote before he died in 2001, inaugurates the 2005 summer season when it opens, along with “XXX: State of the Union,” nationwide today.

A list of most of the other major films, along with brief descriptions, follows. As always, the dates – especially those later in the summer – are tentative.

Today

“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: See review page 20.

“XXX: State of the Union”: See review page 22.

May 6

“Kingdom of Heaven”: Orlando Bloom and others take up arms to defend Jerusalem against foreign invaders. Directed by Ridley Scott, co-starring Liam Neeson, Eva Green, David Thewlis, Jeremy Irons.

“House of Wax”: Bearing little resemblance to the 1953 version, this horror story is another teens-in-trouble flick. Directed by Jaume Serra, starring Chad Michael Murray, Elisha Cuthbert, Paris Hilton.

“Crash”: No, this is not a remake of the 1996 David Cronenberg film of the same name. This movie looks at a variety of Los Angeles residents striving to cope with the meaninglessness of modern life. Directed by Paul Haggis, starring Sandra Bullock, Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito, Brendan Fraser, Ryan Phillippe, Terrence Dashon Howard.

May 13

“Unleashed”: Jet Li is a fighting machine who is treated like a dog by his master (Bob Hoskins), but then he comes under the protection of a blind piano tuner (Morgan Freeman) who uses music to soothe the savage beast. Directed by Louis Leterrier, co-starring Kerry Condon.

“Monster-in-Law”: A woman used to disastrous blind dates (Jennifer Lopez) finds herself confronted by the mother-in-law from hell (Jane Fonda). Directed by Robert Luketic, co-starring Michael Vartan.

“Kicking & Screaming”: Will Ferrell starts coaching his son’s soccer team but then takes winning a little too seriously. Directed by Jesse Dylan, co-starring Robert Duvall, Josh Hutcherson.

“Mindhunters”: A group of FBI trainees goes to a remote island only to find that a killer is among them. Directed by Renny Harlin, starring Val Kilmer, LL Cool J, Christian Slater, Kathryn Morris, Jonny Lee Miller.

May 19

“Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith”: Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) draws ever closer to the dark side, to the horror of his master Obi-Wan (Ewan McGregor) and lover Padmé (Natalie Portman). Directed by George Lucas, co-starring Samuel L. Jackson, Ian McDiarmid, Anthony Daniels, Frank Oz (voice).

May 27

“Madagascar”: This DreamWorks animated adventure involves a group of spoiled New York Zoo animals that ends up being shipped off to … Madagascar. Directed by Eric Darnell and Tom McGrath, featuring the voices of Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Cedric the Entertainer, Andy Richter.

“The Longest Yard”: Adam Sandler takes over for Burt Reynolds in the remake of the 1974 film about a jailed professional quarterback (Sandler) who is forced to quarterback a team of convicts in a game against the guards. Directed by Peter Segal, co-starring Reynolds, Chris Rock, James Cromwell.

June 3

“The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”: The lives of four friends unfold as they pass around a pair of secondhand jeans. Directed by Ken Kwapis, starring Amber Tamblyn, Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera.

“Cinderella Man”: Russell Crowe plays boxer James J. Braddock who gets a second chance at success. Directed by Ron Howard, co-starring Renee Zellweger, Craig Bierko, Paul Giamatti.

“Lords of Dogtown”: Based on the documentary “Dogtown and Z-Boys,” this action drama tells the So-Cal story of the outlaw surfer boys from Venice Beach who switch from waves to wheels. Directed by Catherine Hardwicke, starring Heath Ledger, Victor Rasuk, Emile Hirsch, John Robinson.

June 10

“Mr. and Mrs. Smith”: Marrieds John and Jane Smith (Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie) don’t know that each is a hired killer, a fact that changes when they are contracted to kill each other. Directed by Doug Liman, co-starring Adam Brody, Vince Vaughn.

“The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D”: Director Robert Rodriguez tells the story of a 10-year-old boy (Cayden Boyd) whose imaginary friends come alive and take him on a series of adventures. Co-starring David Arquette, Kristin Davis, George Lopez.

“The Honeymooners”: Cedric the Entertainer plays bus driver Ralph Kramden who pursues get-rich-quick schemes with the help/hindrance of his best friend, Ed Norton (Mike Epps). Directed by John Schultz, co-starring Gabrielle Union, Regina Hall.

June 17

“Batman Begins”: Christian Bale takes over the role of the legendary crime-fighter as he begins his career. Directed by Christopher Nolan, co-starring Michael Caine, Ken Watanabe.

“The Perfect Man”: With the help of a friend, Hilary Duff decides to create the man of the film’s title for her mom (Heather Locklear). Directed by Mark Rosman, co-starring Aria Wallace, Chris Noth.

June 24

“Land of the Dead”: Director George Romero gives us a zombie-controlled world in which the only human survivors live in a walled city. Starring John Leguizamo, Asia Argento, Simon Baker.

“Bewitched”: The story of the classic TV series has been changed to a floundering movie star (Will Ferrell) looking for the right co-star to play a witch only to stumble over a real one (Nicole Kidman). Directed by Nora Ephron, co-starring Shirley MacLaine, Michael Caine.

“Herbie: Fully Loaded”: Lindsay Lohan tries to help out dad’s racing team by using our favorite Volkswagen Bug to compete on the NASCAR circuit. Directed by Angela Robinson, co-starring Michael Keaton, Matt Dillon, Cheryl Hines, Breckin Meyer.

July 1

“War of the Worlds”: Stephen Spielberg uses Tom Cruise to retell the H.G. Welles story about an alien invasion. Co-starring Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins.

“Rebound”: Bounced from the NBA, a former hoops star (Martin Lawrence) finds himself coaching a hapless junior-varsity squad. Directed by Steve Carr, starring Megan Mullally, Breckin Meyer.

July 8

“Fantastic Four”: Cosmic radiation imbues a quartet of astronauts with super powers. Directed by Tim Story, starring Ioan Gruffudd, Michael Chiklis, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans.

“Dark Water”: A woman and her daughter brave the weirdness of an apartment building. Directed by Walter Salles, starring Jennifer Connelly, Ariel Gade, John C. Reilly.

July 15

“Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”: Johnny Depp stars as chocolate magnate Willie Wonka in this second version of Roald Dahl’s novel. Directed by Tim Burton, co-starring Freddie Highmore, David Kelly.

“The Wedding Crashers”: Two divorce lawyers, who sneak into a wedding to check out the date action, become adversaries after meeting a beauty. Directed by David Dobkin, starring Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams.

“Hustle & Flo”: A pimp (Terrence Dashon Howard) strives to rise above his criminal life by becoming a hip-hop star. Directed by Craig Brewer, co-starring Anthony Anderson, Taryn Manning, Taraji P. Henson, Elise Neal.

July 22

“The Island”: The promise is that you’ll live forever, but the truth is something else. Directed by Michael Bay, starring Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson, Djimon Hounsou.

“The Bad News Bears”: Billy Bob Thornton takes over for Walter Matthau in this remake of the 1976 film about a renegade team of Little-Leaguers. Directed by Richard Linklater, co-starring Greg Kinnear, Marcia Gay Harden.

“The Devil’s Rejects”: Rob Zombie directed this sequel to his horror hit, “House of 1,000 Corpses.” Starring Sid Haig, Sheri Moon, Bill Moseley.

July 29

“Stealth”: When a computerized bomber goes rogue, a trio of Navy pilots must stop it from initiating an attack on the United States. Directed by Rob Cohen, starring Josh Lucas, Jessica Biel, Jamie Foxx.

“The Brothers Grimm”: Terry Gilliam directs and Matt Damon and Heath Ledger star in this imaginative view of the brothers and the folk tales they collected. Co-starring Monica Bellucci, Jonathan Pryce, Peter Stormare.

“Must Love Dogs”: Diane Lane stars as a teacher who is pestered into participating in online dating. Directed by Gary David Goldberg, co-starring John Cusack, Elizabeth Perkins.

“Sky High”: A pair of superhero teenagers struggle blending their duties with the problems of adolescence. Directed by Mike Mitchell, starring Kurt Russell, Michael Angarano, Kelly Preston.

Also/Later

“Howl’s Movie Castle”: Japanese director Hayao Miyazaki (“Spirited Away”) offers his latest animated feature.

“The Pink Panther”: Steve Martin subs for the late Peter Sellers.

“3001”: Experimental subject Luke Wilson goes to sleep and wakes up 1,000 years later.

“The Dukes of Hazzard”: The TV show re-emerges on the big screen.

“Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”: Two words – Rob Schneider.

“The Skeleton Key”: Kate Hudson experiences some New Orleans Juju.

“Four Brothers”: Four brothers seek to avenge their mother’s death.

“Valiant”: A pigeon becomes a World War II hero.

“The 40-Year-Old Virgin”: Steve Carell (“The Office”) takes a chance with Catherine Keener.

“Romance & Cigarettes”: A musical love story involving loyalty and adultery.

“The Cave”: Monsters attack underwater spelunkers.