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The Slice: Candy makers’ early trick is no treat

Let’s start with an absurdity alert. Halloween candy has been spotted in stores.

So here’s the question. Are we supposed to believe that someone buying candy now is actually going to save it for almost 10 weeks?

Right.

And even if you weren’t going to eat it yourself, which of course you are, wouldn’t you want to have fresher goodies for the kids at the end of October?

“The universal language of body repair: So this Spokane Valley high school teacher fluent in Russian has a Russian-speaking friend who is learning more and more English. The two of them work on old cars together. And while doing so, they employ a mixture of Russian, English and Autopartsese.

Anyway, one day the teacher was listening to his friend talking with his son in Russian. The teacher understood everything but one word. So he asked what this one unrecognizable Russian term meant.

“Bondo,” said his friend.

“Overheard while waiting in line at a grocery store: “Hey, Bill — what’s 5 percent of 100?” — submitted by Marit Bird

“How people read the newspaper: Let’s start off by demonstrating the home-field advantage.

“The only section of the paper that I read is the IN Life section, but I read it every morning, slowly and methodically over my breakfast,” wrote Lydia Kinne. “I start with The Slice.”

OK, there are other sections, too.

Bonnie Moffatt reads the obits first. “I’m 83,” she said.

Dora-Faye Hendricks described her husband’s practice: “He reads the whole thing and then goes back to bed.”

Before starting her perusal, Maxine Boston makes a cup of coffee, sits down in her favorite chair and puts her legs up on a footstool.

Helen Scheibner starts with the sports section.

Russ Meacham saves the comic strip “Get Fuzzy” for last.

Keri Yirak saves this column for last.

“Slice answer (interrupted intimacy): A woman who asked that I not use her name told about a time she and her husband were engaged in adult social congress when the phone rang.

Now, letting it keep on ringing was one option. But the couple in question has children and, hey, you never know if someone needs help. So she answered it.

“It didn’t take me long to realize that I was receiving an obscene phone call,” she wrote.

It was graphic. It was creepy.

“I have to admit it spoiled the mood.”

“Warm-up questions: What’s your favorite story about accompanying someone to his or her reunion? Is it just me or do some of the old songs really seem to get to you at this time of year?

“Today’s Slice question: As a percentage of the population, how would Spokane’s presence of beered-up 19-year-old thugs compare to the national average?

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