Don’t blame the toys
It’s getting hard to have a good time in this country, even on the holidays. Especially on the holidays, come to think of it.
The holidays to me have become less of a celebration and more of a backdrop for our national culture of contradictions.
Boston, which is arguably this country’s most racist and segregated city, bowed to secular demands and renamed its Christmas tree the “holiday tree” so as not to offend anyone who is otherwise insulted by large conifers.
Some high schools have banned all snowman-related clothing because snow could represent cocaine and snowmen could therefore glorify drug dealing.
It could, I suppose, if you go to school in a Young Jeezy video.
It could also mean that we’re losing our minds, and that scapegoating has become our national obsession to the point where Grand Theft Auto is somehow responsible for crime, that homosexuals are to blame for kiddie-touching priests, that McDonald’s should serve salads so fat people won’t be fat.
And if you think that’s crazy, I give you Mr. Potato Head.
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade had two historical firsts this year.
First, the humorous part: The M&M balloon got tangled, knocked down a streetlight and injured a bunch of spectators.
I’m sorry, but if you’re watching people parade down the street at 11 a.m. in 40-degree weather when you should be home with your family, and a 60-foot balloon plummets out of the sky onto your head, good.
The other change was Healthy Mr. Potato Head.
I always liked Mr. Potato Head. He was fat, he smoked a pipe and sometimes wore his nose where his arm should be.
But now, we pin our flaws on the pieces of plastic we handled as kids. The result? A skinny Mr. Potato Head listening to an iPod with jogging sneakers and a water bottle, because that’s what all kids should aspire to.
Here’s the deal with the toys: It comes down to parenting.
When I was little, if you hit your friend’s G.I. Joe with an RPG, you got to burn the action figure’s face on the heater until it melted before throwing it down the trash chute.
You know how many acts of violence I’ve committed in my entire adult life? Zero.
But now it’s gospel that a doll designed to spark imagination in children is really a sinister and deceiving image.
But don’t you think that blaming our lack of direction and laziness on a plastic potato with a face is probably a cheap and easy way to make ourselves feel like we’re making a difference?
If so, great. If not, I hope you had a good time at the parade, and next year, make sure you grab a spot under the M&M balloon.