Married man may not be her best bet

Q: I’m a 20-something single woman who has been seeing this 40-something married man. We have been dating for more than two years. The man currently is going through a divorce. His wife has not lived in his house for at least five years. We’re “in love” and have discussed tons of topics from babies to marriage. He conveyed an interest in marrying me, but shouldn’t his divorce be over by now?

My dilemma is this: I don’t want to be the stupid girl who falls for a married man who claims to want her but only screws her and goes back to his wife in the end. Technically he is still not my man, and I don’t want to wait any longer. How should I proceed?

Steve: You’re well on your way to being the “stupid girl” you don’t want to be. It will take self-discipline on your part, but tell him to get lost until he can show you his finalized divorce papers.

Mia: I’m with Steve. Dump him. Two years and he has only “conveyed an interest in marrying you”? If he were going to divorce his wife, he would have by now.

Q: A close childhood friend of mine recently tracked down one of our classmates, his high-school sweetheart, on the Internet. Turns out that although we’ve all moved far away from our hometown in the 15-plus years since he’s seen this girl, we now live fairly close. Recently my buddy suggested we all get together for dinner. My buddy tells me sparks already are flying between the two on the Internet. They’re both married, but nobody’s bringing a spouse to this mini-reunion. I like his wife and don’t want to see him do something stupid. What’s my role here? Third wheel? Chaperone? Worrywart? Accessory to adultery? Should I go?

Steve: First, you are not responsible for whatever foolish thing two adults may choose to do. You could do a good deed by joining them and turning the conversation to your absent spouses, as a friendly reminder. If it were me, I’d just sit back and watch it unfold, kind of like a NASCAR wreck.

Mia: I don’t know. If you’re worried it may go badly, you might want to just stay out of it. That way if anything happens, you can’t be a witness to the crime.

Q: I’ve had a longtime collegial relationship with a married man I met through work, and often we go to lunch. Two weeks ago we agreed to meet for a drink after work. Although I have never signaled any interest, after a couple of drinks he tried to kiss me and asked me to go to his car! He never behaved that way before. Now I wonder if I should agree to have lunch with him again. What do you think?

Steve: As the philosopher Mae West once observed, “Give a man free hands and you’ll know where to find them.” Go to lunch with him but tell him for the future, drinks are out.

Mia: What’s with all the girls and married men? It’s a no-win situation, ladies! Especially if he’s a colleague. I would only see this man in group situations from now on.