‘Perfect love?’ Acceptance can go quite a long way
Getting a good night’s sleep has become my ultimate fantasy – I’ve been lusting after it for more than a year now.
What’s been keeping me up at night lately is love.
And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, I’ve been pondering what makes love last or, more so, is there a perfect love out there?
One of my girlfriends appears to have the “perfect boyfriend.” Over a bottle of wine recently, we contemplated whether he is trying to be too perfect.
He brings her dinner when she’s stuck at work late. He walks her dog. He pays for everything. Just the other day she complained to him how messy her car was and that she hadn’t had it serviced in some time. He surprised her by getting it cleaned and the oil changed. When they’re out shopping, he always seems to notice when she really likes something. She often will forget about what she wanted that day but couldn’t afford, until it emerges on her birthday or another special occasion. There’s not much this guy doesn’t do right.
In fact, he’s so perfect that even complaining about him a little bit made her feel guilty.
Taking longer gulps of Pinot Noir, she contemplated what doesn’t work in the relationship. She wishes he made her laugh more and that he opened up more. She struggled though – after all, he did everything for her. She gave me that look like close girlfriends do and asked, “Court, what’s my problem then?”
A clear thought then emerged that made perfect sense – if there is such a thing as perfect sense when it comes to love. He does do everything for her – so much so that she doesn’t do enough for herself. She’s come to expect it, even gotten bored with it. So where does the problem lie and with whom? Or are they simply just being themselves?
Her answer to their problems that night was that she needed a break – that absence always makes the heart grow fonder.
I went home thinking about our talk and pondered this instead of sleeping: If less really is more, then why are we always in search of more? I know this means give less and show less, especially to the people who tend to appreciate more when that person isn’t doing what’s come to be the norm. The minute someone pulls back and isn’t around as much, he or she is appreciated more – hence the theory that less is more. Makes sense doesn’t it? Hardly. I think it’s complete bull because you end up playing this game of less vs. more instead of just being. You’re not accepting the relationship and the person for what they are, so you’re searching for more.
When I think of the perfect match, I don’t ponder fantasies of looks, money or all he might do for me like I once did. I think of just being able to be me all the time and have him love me no matter what. And more importantly, for me to feel this way about him too – for us both to relish in the freedom and confidence of just being, flaws and all. Isn’t that what love and friendship are really about?
None of us is perfect, and thank God we’re not because life would be so boring. It’s far from a perfect love – it’s just real love.