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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Metal band GWAR invades the Big Easy


GWAR, which performs Sunday night at the Big East Concert House, specializes in heavy metal theater. 
 (The Spokesman-Review)

Test your heavy metal prowess by completing the following phrase:

GWAR is

A) a stranded group of ultra-violent, perverted intergalactic warriors responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs and the birth of the human race. It was discovered in Antarctica, given instruments and subsequently molded into a heavy metal band by a pimp and porn director named Sleazy P. Martini. The group spends its time attempting to corrupt and kill all human beings.

B) an extravagantly theatrical speed metal band notorious for donning gigantic costumes and showering its audience members with gallons of fake blood, vomit and other bodily fluids while mutilating dummied-up representations of political figures and celebrities onstage.

C) going to ravage the Big Easy Concert House on Sunday at 8 p.m.

D) all of the above.

If you picked D, you’re on the right track. Since misfit art students at Virginia Commonwealth University formed the group 20 years ago, GWAR has become the most over-the-top, tasteless and offensive metal act around.

According to band mythos, GWAR begat the human race by breeding with apes.

“That’s accepted science fact,” said lead singer Oderus Urungus (aka David Brockie). “They don’t put it on the History Channel because they are afraid of the truth.”

The group is on its Mock the Vote Tour in support of the 2004 album “War Party.” As an alien bent on destroying mankind, Urungus says Americans unwittingly helped him on his quest by reelecting President Bush.

“I think it’s funny that he’s plunged your world into war, chaos, horror and disease in levels unheard of,” Urungus said. “It’s wonderful, and I think the war on terror should be expanded to include anxiety, sleeplessness and poison ivy.”

Urungus and his crew – rhythm guitarist BalSac the Jaws of Death, lead shredder Flattus Maximus, bassist Beefcake the Mighty, drummer Jizmak Da Gusha, dancer Slymenstra Hymen, bodyguard Sexicutioner and manager Sleazy P. Martini – rejoice in what they perceive as human turmoil. As a band, GWAR acts as a societal magnifying glass by proudly representing everything nasty about human behavior.

The metal marauders can’t wait to invade Spokane.

“The mere presence of GWAR in your miserable community … is the most special event that’s ever going to occur in your little city,” Urungus said. “You will be, as many other cities on this tour will be, destroyed. And we pledge to kill every living inhabitant of Spokane, including the animals and insects. And the worms. Everything.”

Obviously, concertgoers should leave the kids and inhibitions behind in favor of strong stomachs and more than a few grains of salt.

And try to remember – it’s heavy metal theater.