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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Browse winter escape pods at RV Show

Steve Christilaw Correspondent

It’s time to think about that ultimate snowbird escape pod, the recreational vehicle.

The RV Show makes its annual appearance at the Spokane Fair and Expo Center.

Beginning Thursday, more than $13 million worth of the latest and greatest recreational vehicles will be on display, indoors, at the Spokane County Fair and Expo Center.

At the risk of pointing out the obvious, one of the many reasons for owning a recreational vehicle is to escape all that white stuff piling up outside – something they are exceptionally capable of doing once they’re equipped with such options as maps, coinage for tolls, cup holders, maps, a compass, a global positioning system, maps, a satellite internet hookup, individual climate control, and, of course, maps.

So while you wander the aisles, comparing all of the options on these magic carpets with indoor plumbing, here is a compilation of what you will be missing.

It’s been said that the Inuit, the Alaskan natives erroneously referred to as “Eskimos,” have some 400-odd words for “snow.”

That’s an urban legend that ought to be put to bed. They have the same number of words for snow that we have in the English language.

But even that treasure trove of synonyms falls short of actually describing the white stuff. So, in the interest of inspiration, we have compiled the following list:

Snow. As a noun it refers to ice crystal flakes. Interestingly, that word describes both falling snow – snow in the process of falling from the sky, and fallen snow – snow that has accumulated on the ground. Other expletive adjectives would be considered a personal expression and not an official part of the lexicon.

Snirt This refers to the inevitable mixture of snow and dirt, noted by its brown coloring.

Snaust This refers to the blackened mixture of snow and automobile exhaust.

Snud The mixture of snow and mud that collects on roadways. It will, inevitably, get showered on your vehicle by a semi-truck heading the opposite direction on the freeway.

Snust The caked, crusty residue of snud that accumulates on your vehicle, especially the windshield areas unreachable by your wipers.

Snump The snow that gets dumped in your driveway by the snowplow that is ostensibly clearing your street.

Sniff That light skiff of snow that can fall before you feel the need to go outdoors and clear something. This is not to be confused with a snift, which is snow that has been blown into a pile up against your garage door.

Snoom A slightly larger accumulation of snow, but one that can be cleared with a broom and does not need a snow shovel.

Snovel Any amount of snow that requires shoveling.

Snunch Snow that has lingered on the ground long enough to have developed a hard crust that makes a crunching sound as you walk on it.

Snibble The tiny amount of snow that gets trapped in the contours of your shoes and gets transferred to your indoor carpet, melts and is discovered by someone walking around in just their socks.

Snit. No, it’s not what you think. This refers to throwing an emotional fit when someone in the house isn’t pulling their weight in the shoveling department. Fido’s frozen organic matter hidden in the snow does not have a snow name, since snoop and snap are taken. It’s simply a poopcicle. Frozen dog poop glued to your boots is referred to by its governmental designation: FDPGTYB.

Sneg This refers to the act of begging someone to go out and dig out the walk and/or driveway after a snowfall.

Snuss The act of cussing at the snow, which accomplishes nothing than exercise a limited vocabulary.

Snanic The gripping fear that you actually have to go out and drive in that stuff.

Snidult That initial, childlike reaction an adult, or kidult, gets when watching a snowfall and hoping that school will be canceled, only to realize that you’ve been out of school for 18 years.

Snuff The act of filling a newspaper column with fluff about snow and the resulting effect it can have on one’s journalism career.