Meeting the parents? Plan ahead — and don’t belch
When meeting someone who could become family, you don’t want to be a Focker. When it comes to Greg Focker, a main character portrayed by Ben Stiller in the movie “Meet the Parents” and the new “Meet the Fockers,” disaster is the poor love-struck dude’s middle name. (Actually, it’s M., as in M. Focker, but that’s another story.)
In the spirit of the two movies/ horror shows, we asked two dating experts what not to do when meeting your loved one’s parents.
“Preparation is paramount,” said Barbie Adler, founder and president of Selective Search, a Chicago-based matchmaking firm. “Make sure you know what topics to avoid. Say, for example, they have a sister in rehab. Each family has a different dynamic in terms of hot buttons.”
Before you’ve even had a chance to open mouth and insert foot, however, the parents will have looked you over.
“Women, you shouldn’t dress too sexy, showing too much cleavage, where everything is tight and high,” Adler said. “Also, watch the makeup. You want to look natural and clean. Think girl next door.”
As for men, she said, “Dress clean-cut and not sloppy or grungy. Be yourself, but a bit more clean cut.”
Also, as tempted as you might be to cling for dear life to your loved one, back off. “Don’t be draped all over your significant other — no lip lock, no clinging or hanging,” Adler said. “But you do want to show affection. You want to be looking at him, showing interest, making eye contact, touching his arm.”
Back to the oh-so-doable don’t’s:
“You don’t want to interrupt Mom or Dad when they’re talking,” Adler said. “And turn off your cell phones. You want to be respectful and sincere, but don’t kiss too much tushy. Also, don’t drink too much. Take cues from the family. If they’re not drinking, don’t you. Also, don’t be rude to your significant other. This is not the time to roll your eyes or act condescending to their comments.”
And for Adler’s final don’t, well, you should know better: “Women, don’t flirt with the father. The mom will get very upset.”
Kimberly Williams, a Chicago- based dating consultant at adviceforsingles.com, added a few don’t’s to the list:
“Don’t forget to bring a gift. That can be wine, candles, a crystal vase, anything that’s not fragrant, because a person could be allergic.”
“If you’re at dinner and they want you to try a particular entree and it’s not something you like, don’t hesitate to say two very simple words: ‘No, thanks.’”
“Do not wear too much fragrance. Do not use profanity. And last but not least, do not wear out your welcome.”
These tips might fill you with trepidation. (Hey, we didn’t even mention that Williams said not to belch — anyone who really has to be told that is a cretin.) But Adler said to keep this in mind:
“Remember that you’re at this stage because this person is serious about you. The fact that you’re getting to this step is huge. (Oh, yeah, no pressure there.) You want to meet them as much as they want to meet you. Don’t feel so nervous.