Wife’s condition a good reason to beg off dinner
Dear Annie: My wife and I recently moved to a new town due to a job transfer by my company. We have two sons, ages 7 and 10, who have quickly made new friends. It turns out two of their buddies are children of neighbors living two houses away. They recently have taken to playing in our back yard and get along extremely well. We really like their friends.
Two weeks ago, we were invited over to meet the parents of these neighbors, and my wife and I were left gasping. It turns out they both are very heavy smokers. I mentioned that my wife is an asthmatic, but this made no difference to them. Without exaggeration, they smoked nearly a pack between them in just over an hour. We finally had to make our exit, as I was afraid my wife would experience an attack.
Since that visit, we have begged off on subsequent invitations to get together and have curtailed our children’s visits with flimsy excuses. We learned from another neighbor that this couple smokes incessantly in other people’s homes, so asking them to come to our place is not an option.
The bombshell in this situation is this couple are tight friends with my new boss, and they get together frequently at their homes. My boss has invited us to dinner next month, and the human chimneys also will be there. (My boss smokes, but he has never done so in our home or at work in my presence.)
How do I tactfully tell these folks that we cannot be with them due to their insidious addiction? – Breathe Free or Die
Dear Breathe Free: First, it might help if you treat this as something over which they have little or no control. It will be easier for them to swallow if they don’t think you are being judgmental. Then explain quite simply that you wish you could see them more often, since they are such pleasant company, but your wife’s asthma makes it difficult for her to be around cigarette smoke for any duration. Offer to meet up with them at some outdoor event or at a smoke-free restaurant.
Dear Annie: It’s another season of parties, barbecues and graduations, and I have a question about what to do with the food and drink you bring to a potluck.
Upon leaving, do you take what you brought back home with you, or do you leave it as a hostess gift? My husband and I differ in our opinions, so your answer will be helpful. – Mimi in Montana
Dear Mimi: Normally, leftover food remains with the hosts. However, potluck events tend to create huge amounts of food, and many hosts prefer that the guests take home their leftovers, in which case the host should say so before you leave.
Dear Annie: I am responding to the letter from “Nervous Mom in Nevada,” who said her husband’s 9-year-old nephew took great interest in the diaper changing of her 3-year-old daughter.
I agree with your response that “Mom” should tell the parents to talk with their son about the differences between girls and boys, but I am surprised that a 9-year-old doesn’t already have this information. Also, why is a 3-year-old still in diapers? Parents today don’t make the time or effort to discuss such issues and/or potty train their children. The same holds true for those 3- and 4-year-olds running around with pacifiers in their mouths. – Disgusted in Kansas
Dear Kansas: Many readers thought it peculiar that a 3-year-old is still in diapers, but we can tell you that it is quite common. As long as the child is potty trained by the time he or she reaches school, we aren’t going to take issue with this more lenient practice. Extended use of pacifiers, however, can lead to dental problems, so it is in the child’s best interest if the parents can break this habit earlier.