He’s trying to manipulate you; watch out
Dear Annie: I’m a young-looking, middle-aged woman and recently married a man several years younger than I am. My figure is petite, and I’m small-chested. Though he told me early in our relationship that breast size doesn’t matter to him, he has made several remarks about breast implants and most recently said, “Everyone likes to look at a nice pair of breasts.”
This is a man who usually seems caring and sensitive, which is part of what I fell in love with. He made me feel so good about myself in the beginning but now seems to be picking me apart, little by little. When I express concern about his attitude, he gets defensive and suggests that maybe he shouldn’t say anything at all, and then won’t speak to me – sometimes for hours.
I’ve done without ampler breasts my whole life and am not a fan of cosmetic surgery. What’s your opinion? – Cupcakes Not Cantaloupes
Dear Cupcakes: We think your new husband is quite manipulative. There is no reason on earth for you to have implants if you don’t want them. And we’re worried about a husband who refuses to speak to you because you don’t want to have surgery to please him. This is not a “caring and sensitive” person. This is a control freak. Watch out.
Dear Annie: My dad snores horribly. My room is down a hallway opposite the master bedroom, and I can still hear him through a shut door. It’s gotten so bad, my mom can’t sleep in the same room with him anymore. It’s really putting a strain on the whole family because now everyone has sleeping troubles.
My dad knows that he snores, but I don’t think he realizes how bad it is. He’s not the type of guy who would go to one of those clinics to get help, but we all are just so tired in the morning, we don’t know what to do. Can you please give me some advice? – Sleepless Daughter
Dear Sleepless: Snoring is often a sign of sleep apnea, which can be serious. Tape-record your father’s snoring and play it back when he’s awake. Tell him you love him and worry about him and think he should see a doctor. If he’s willing to try a sleep clinic, he can find one through the National Sleep Foundation (sleepfoundation.org), 1522 K Street, NW, Suite 500, Washington, DC 20005.
Dear Annie: My husband and I just had our first child. My in-laws would like our daughter to call them “Nana” and “Papa” since that is what their other grandchildren call them. We want our daughter to know them as “Grandma” and “Grandpa,” since my husband considers himself to be her “Papa.” Also, we’ve never liked the name “Nana.”
My in-laws say our daughter can decide when she’s older, but meanwhile, they constantly refer to themselves as Nana and Papa when they speak to her. We are concerned that our little girl will learn to use those terms before considering any others. My in-laws tell us we are being disrespectful to them by not acquiescing to their wishes, but we think the opposite. Do we really have to go against what we want just to please them? – K. in Pennsylvania
Dear K.: We are in favor of people being called what they prefer, but we also think parents have the last word on their child’s behavior. Your daughter will most likely call your in-laws what her cousins call them, but there’s no reason you can’t teach her to refer to them by different names. We caution you, however, to pick your battles carefully. You are making a big fuss out of a small matter, creating ill will when you don’t need to. Please think long and hard about how important this is to you.