Q: Three years ago, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. He asked in front of my family at Christmas. A few months later, he got a job in a different city, and for several months we did the weekend thing. Then he asked me to live with him. It’s been almost two years, and we still aren’t married. When I bring it up, he says he sees us getting married “one day.”
Before we got engaged we had long talks about our life together, and I stressed to him how important marriage was to me, that I need the security and all that comes with it.
Other than this issue, I can’t complain. But I still want to be married! Should I accept what I have and be happy? Or find someone who feels the way I do?
Steve: A man who fears commitment? I’m shocked! In the old days, your dad and a shotgun would help him along. Since he asked you to marry him, he should deliver on his pledge. If he refuses to set a date, tell him you consider that a withdrawal of his request. And if that happens, you should move on. It might jolt him to his senses.
Mia: It is completely reasonable for you to want to be married. Especially since he already asked you. Give him a time period, say a year, in which to set a date. If he doesn’t deliver, hit the road.
Q: My girlfriend and I have been planning a December wedding, but recently we found out she’s pregnant. Should we have the wedding before the baby is born?
Mia: I’d do it before. After a screaming infant enters your lives, you’ll be too exhausted to plan, or even stay awake.
Steve: Having the bride push a decorated baby stroller up the aisle would be kind of cute. But Mia’s right. You’ll enjoy the wedding – and especially the honeymoon – lots more without a little bundle of joy.
Q: I hate my wife’s family. They’re a crew of morbidly obese, part-time or no-job slobs. I have zero respect for them. I sometimes think my wife must be adopted.
We get along great except when it comes time for her family to visit or for us to do something with them (in public, ugh!).
I am embarrassed and ashamed. My biggest fear is that the older they get, the more they’ll look to us for support. My wife and I have spoken about it, but we either end up in a fight or with my wife basically asking what I want her to do about it. What should I do?
Steve: Compromise. Tell your wife how you feel without putting her on the defensive. If you work as a team, you can limit your contact with them in a way that won’t cause offense. But you must sacrifice for the sake of love. That means putting up with your in-laws occasionally.
Mia: Move. I hear Tibet is wonderful this time of year.
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