‘Bewitched’ adaptation fails to cast its spell

“Bewitched” will leave you bothered and bewildered.

Bothered, because the blasted thing has a paucity of honest laughs. Bewildered, because there seems no reason for the film to have been made.

Also bewildering is Nicole Kidman’s decision to star. The screenplay’s funniest lines go to Will Ferrell, Michael Caine and Jason Schwartzman, while she tries to look beguilingly naive. Kidman played decadent in “Moulin Rouge” and desolate in “The Hours.” But one thing Nicole Kidman cannot play is naive.

Kidman does not exactly play Samantha, the nose-twitching witch originated by Elizabeth Montgomery. Rather, she plays the witch who plays Samantha. Explanations are in order.

Kidman’s character is Isabel, a witch who wants to become a normal citizen. Her father, sophisticated warlock Nigel (Caine), warns her that normal citizens do not have easy lives, especially if you’re accustomed to getting everything you want by twitching your nose.

Meanwhile, washed-up actor Jack Wyatt (Ferrell) hopes for a comeback by starring as Samantha’s husband Darrin in a revised “Bewitched” television show. He catches a glimpse of Isabel’s twitchy-nostril routine and is sold. Isabel forsakes her normal-life aspirations and decides, by golly, it would be fun to be on television.

What follows is a series of ego clashes and power plays. Jack and his manager, Richie (Schwartzman), are painfully aware that the original TV show revolved around Samantha, and they seek to make Darrin the focal point. Naturally, this causes Isabel to resort to magic spells. Shirley MacLaine plays Iris, a flamboyant actress who’s cast as Samantha’s mother. It turns out that Iris is also a witch and, oh well. …

Nora Ephron, of “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail,” directs this lumpish comedy from a screenplay she co-wrote with her sister Delia. Schwartzman has some genuinely funny reactions as the frenzied manager, but Caine gets the most laughs courtesy of Nigel’s unexpected entrances. Poor MacLaine struts around as if over-compensating for a nothing role.

The film also plays to Ferrell’s strengths while unintentionally showcasing his weaknesses. He’s an inspired technical comedian, but the screenplay exhausts his range. He’s required to repeat comic hysteria numerous times, and his technique is beginning to show. And on the male-female chemistry meter, Will and Nicole are no Brad and Angie.

Kidman goes through it all as if impersonating an adorable trick-or-treater. In 1998, Kidman and Sandra Bullock played restless witches in “Practical Magic.” That one was far from a total success, but in retrospect, it could have been worse.