On-again, off-again relationship cause for concern

Dear Diane: I am 42 years old, and I hope you can help me. Time is running out.

I’ve known “Pam” all my life. In 1992 we got engaged, but it didn’t work out for different reasons, religion mostly.

We went our separate ways. She moved to another province, but we always kept in touch. Then last year she came home for her sister’s wedding, and one thing led to another and we got back together. After a couple of months, we moved in together.

The first four months were great. Then we started arguing over small things. Then it got worse. My family got involved, and things went downhill from there. After a while she moved out and got her own place.

Diane, there was always something special between us. About three months ago she started calling. We went out for a coffee, a couple of house parties, then my family found out about it. They told me if I ever get back with Pam I’m no longer part of the family.

Now Pam has a job offer in Ontario and wants me to go with her. She said that it would be better if there are no family members intervening.

— Name Withheld

Newfoundland, Canada

Dear Newfoundland: If Pam’s religion is the main bone of contention between you and your family, and if you honestly believe you and Pam can work through whatever other issues you have, then I say yes, go with Pam to Ontario.

What concerns me is your on-again, off-again relationship. Whenever things get a little tense, the two of you would rather split up than work things out together.

I strongly suggest that if you and Pam want a lifetime commitment, you should seek professional counseling so that you can learn how to keep your molehill issues from becoming a mountain range of problems.