Teacher”s ”Hoosiers” proclamation runs afoul of at least two critics

My friend Claire Kelly Nelson is suffering the fate that most middle- schoolers endure as they head into these last few days/weeks of the school year.

“I have to finish four end-of-the- year projects and write an essay about ‘Hoosiers,’ ” she says.

The prospect of having to do so much work frustrates her. But what bothers her in particular is being forced to watch “Hoosiers,” the 1986 Gene Hackman based-on-real-events movie about an Indiana boy’s basketball team.

“The fact that we saw a sports movie in language arts made me mad,” she said. “I would rather read.”

Even worse, Claire resents how her teacher presented the movie to the class.

“In the packet the teacher wrote that it was ‘quite arguably the best and most inspirational movie in the history of cinema,’ ” she said. “Please.”

I always love it when people classify movies, even when they use the qualifier “arguably,” as “the best and most inspirational movie in the history of cinema.”

First of all, the statement is ridiculous. Has the teacher seen every movie ever made? Has he/she seen even a decent representation of every genre of film from every country that has a film industry?

When people tell me such things, I tend to reply, “Buddy, Roger Ebert can make that statement. You, in all likelihood, cannot.”

Second, I can name five movies in less than 30 seconds that are “arguably” better made than, and at the very least equally as inspirational as, “Hoosiers,” which is a stirring tale about the little Indiana high school basketball team that could. I know those are fighting words, but here goes:

“Chariots of Fire”: Forget the rousing Vangelis musical score. Forget the guys in white running along the beach in slow motion. Forget even the races that give our principal characters – Harold Abrahams and Eric Lidell – the opportunities to win Olympic gold medals. No, the most inspirational aspect of this 1981 Hugh Hudson-directed film involves the hard work and sacrifice each character puts in without – and let me emphasize without – compromising his personal beliefs.

“Rocky”: A full decade before the boys from “Hoosiers” took to the court, the friendly pug from Philadelphia named Rocky Balboa showed us what it means to be a winner. It comes not by winning (because, if you’ll recall, Rocky loses the first fight) but by digging deep to find that source of strength inside you that you never knew existed. Yo, Adrian, indeed.

“Life Is Beautiful”: Enough with the sports films. Let’s consider this most unlikely invention: a 1997 comedy about the Holocaust. You can see it as a story of courage in the face of evil. You can see it as one little man’s ability to find his inner hero. You could even see it as Roberto Benigni’s love letter to himself. I prefer to see it as the epitome of parental love, of the sacrifice that a father would be willing to make so that his child could have a better life – or any life at all.

“My Left Foot”: There had to be one brave-fight-against-disability film on this list, and this 1989 movie is the best one I can think of. It has the virtues of, one, being based on a true story; two, featuring the Oscar- winning performance of Daniel Day Lewis; three, having a fresher feel than, say, another film in this genre, “The Miracle Worker”; and, four, there is little about the key character, a man who can move only his left foot, that is sweet or in most ways lovable. “My Left Foot” is simply a story of one man striving to live life any way he can, and doing so on his own terms.

“E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial”: A stranded alien wants to go home, and a little human boy wants to help him. All Steven Spielberg cuteness aside, this story is a moving tale of acceptance, compassion, loyalty and, ultimately, love.

I could add any number of films to the list: the Westerns “Shane” and “High Noon,” sports films such as “Miracle” and “Field of Dreams,” “It’s a Wonderful Life” and the 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol,” “City Lights” and “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” “Stand and Deliver” and “Norma Rae,” Italy’s “Seven Beauties” and China’s “To Live.”

And so on. Point is, inspiration is an individual choice: What works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for the next.

But this much I know for sure: There is no way that “Hoosiers” is either the “best” or the “most inspirational” film ever made.

As my young friend Claire says, “Please.”