She can relegate Mom”s, Dad”s status to guests

Dear Annie: I became engaged to my fiance last August. I was thrilled and excited to tell my family.

My younger sister also was engaged at the time, and her wedding was quickly approaching. When I told my mother of my engagement, her reaction was less than enthusiastic. Her exact words were, “Well, don’t ask me for money, because I don’t have any right now.” At the end of our conversation, she gave me a halfhearted congratulation. I hung up the phone and cried.

My father had a similar reaction (my parents are no longer married), and accused me of not wanting my baby sister to marry before me, even though she clearly would have a wedding within two months.

I brushed off their comments and determined that if they were going to have such a sour attitude, they would have no say in the ceremony, and we would pay for it ourselves with whatever money we could scrape together. I love this man dearly and would marry him in our back yard with jeans on if that’s all we can afford.

I want my family to be happy for me, and every time I think about it, I tear up. I haven’t shared with them any details of the wedding plans, nor do I ask their opinion on anything. Obviously this is not how I want things to be, but I’m so hurt, I don’t know what else to do.

My sister said their attitudes were similar when she announced her engagement. How can two people who love their children be so unemotional and detached about the most important day of their daughters’ lives? – Stung and Hurt

Dear Stung: Let’s assume that the cost and anxiety for two weddings within a year sent your parents over the edge. Also, some loving-but-possessive parents are not eager to see their children marry. You need to tell Mom and Dad how hurt you are and give them the opportunity to see the situation through your eyes. If they still act uninterested, continue to make plans on your own and treat them like any other guests.

Dear Annie: Should a person leave a tip at an all-you-can-eat buffet? How about when the only employee you deal with is the guy who gathers up the dirty dishes? What about when there is a waitress from whom you order your drink or someone who fills the water glasses? This has been something I’ve wondered about for a long time. – Bob

Dear Bob: If someone gets your drinks or fills your water glasses, you should leave a 10 percent tip. And while most people don’t find it necessary to leave a tip when there is no waitstaff whatsoever, others will leave a dollar or two for whoever cleans up.

Dear Annie: Some time ago, you printed a letter from “Graduate’s Mom,” who was upset that her son decided not to go to his college graduation ceremony. Since it’s that time of year again, I thought I’d send along the response I had ready in case my son did the same thing. Here it is:

“Dear Son: Seeing your child graduate from college is one of the greatest thrills a parent can experience. Your father and I have worked hard, spent over $40,000 for tuition and housing, made many trips to visit you, sent money and care packages, and provided emotional support in order for you to achieve this milestone. We are so proud of you. It would mean the world to us if you would spend two hours of your life to go through graduation ceremonies. We would prefer this to any gift you could ever buy.” Thank you for allowing me to sound off. – Another Graduate’s Mom

Dear Mom: Thank you for putting it so well.