Follow rules to make garage sale fun for all

Garage sale season is once again upon us, and I feel it is my duty to tell you about garage sale etiquette.

I’m a pro at going to them and having them. For a while, I even did them for other people. So listen up.

There are proper procedures one must follow for the event to be enjoyable for both the seller and the buyer.

Sellers, take note: Signs that advertise your sale are the top priority but only if you do it right.

Signs should always be on a busy street, but do not write your address in unreadable or small lettering. This will cause a traffic jam, a fender bender or even a road-rage incident as the garage sale enthusiast slows to a near stop in order to read the sign. The word sale and a distinct arrow, pointing in the right direction, of course, will do. You must then continue the arrows at every turn and, for heaven’s sake, take the signs down when the sale is over.

Also, warn your neighbors of the event. They’ll appreciate it.

Third rule: Do not have items that you do not want to sell in the vicinity. I once saw a beautiful cast iron portable fire pit displayed prominently in the center of a garage sale. It turned out it wasn’t for sale. Hello?

Another time I was at a friend’s sale where a customer pulled an antique wheelbarrow out of her flower garden and proceeded to count her change. We practically had to pry her fingers loose from its handle.

Last suggestion: If you want to make money, display things nicely, Martha Stewart the sale, so to speak; even junk can look pretty hung up or presented on a doily.

Now to the buyers: No earlies!

I once had a sale advertised as starting at 9 a.m. At 6 that morning, a woman came knocking. I peeked out at her and then went back to bed.

An hour later, just after I crawled out of bed, she came back. She was persistent and bold with her pounding. I threw the door open.

I must have looked quite the sight; wild hair, wearing a blue sleepy bear jammy set, squinty eyes, and a very angry expression on my face. I said, “The paper says 9 a.m.! Well, when 9 a.m. rolls around, I better not be seeing your face around here,” and I slammed the door.

At 9 a.m., she appeared on the sidewalk.

“Why,” she asked, “can’t I shop here?” I curtly explained that she was rude and that 6 a.m. was a ridiculous time to be bothering someone.

She tried to deny that she had been there at 6, but I told her that I had peeked out at her. We had an elementary school moment, and then she mentioned the cookie jar that I had listed in my ad. So, she was a dealer who wanted to snatch up the antique.

I demanded $100 cash (I would have asked only $75 for it). She whined that she had only $85. I sent her to the bank for the rest. She got her cookie jar.

Early birds anger sellers, and it is not very nice.

Second: It is ridiculous when you try to save yourself 25 cents. Just pay the extra quarter. You know it cost way more when it was new, and it will be new to you or to whomever you give it as a gift.

I once was selling a beautiful patio umbrella for a neighbor. It was marked at a low $3.

A lady kept trying to get it for $2. As we argued, another lady stepped in and offered me $5 for it. Sold! I hope I thanked her.

Another time I had a hand-painted chair for sale. It was marked for $50 but worth much more. A woman thought it said $5, and when I corrected her, she laughed at me. That was mean. Don’t be mean. That’s not nice.

It’s also not nice to steal from garage sales. Enough said there.

Last rule for buyers: Don’t be sneaky. Don’t switch prices or try to get an expensive antique for pennies. It’s not worth the wrinkle in the moral fabric of society.

This last rule applies to both buyer and seller: Enjoy it.

It’s fun to meet new people and learn about things from the stories some of their items bring forth.

It’s also good to reuse, reduce and recycle. The environment will thank you for it.