Parents should look to their athlete first instead of skewering coach

A high school girl’s soccer game is at a 1-1 tie with five minutes left in the match.

Miraculously, the forward dribbles through the line of defenders and sets up to take an easy shot on goal with only the keeper in her way. Instead of an easy touch to the corner, she uses all her power only to kick it two feet over the crossbar, resulting in a tremendous moan from her bench of teammates and coaches, not to mention the hysterical screams from the fans of parents on the opposite sideline.

The whistle blows and the girl is relieved with a substitution. Immediately, a dedicated soccer mom, obviously hers, jumps to her feet and yells obscene indignations at the coach.

How many times have we seen this before?

For me, with every scream of disapproval and with every heightened argument with the coach, I see the enjoyment of high school sports rapidly coming to an end. The recently published series of articles in the Spokesman-Review titled, “When Parents Cry Foul,” brought up many good points regarding the issues surrounding high school sports. Perhaps, the opinion of another high school athlete might support some of The Spokesman-Review’s arguments.

Playing for Mead High School’s varsity girls soccer team last year was a great experience in my life of soccer. Not only did I have the benefit of playing with some extremely talented girls, but also my coach supported me and taught me the finer points about soccer. In addition, wonderful parents always cheered us on in our games and maintained a positive atmosphere for us to play.

However, it always amazes me to hear of incidents where parents get too involved in their son’s or daughter’s sports experience. They expect their athlete to play at the highest level and if they don’t receive what parents think they deserve, some parents go straight to the coach.

My message to all those overly active parents is to stop finding fault with the coach, and look to your son or daughter to see where the problem truly lies. In truth, it is the athlete’s responsibility to earn their place on the team. If something does not seem right, there are three questions one should ask their child. These questions go in a particular order, with the last question being the most important.

First: Do they truly want to be there?

In order to receive playing time, an athlete is expected to attend every practice and make their intentions known. An athlete who doesn’t show for practice should not expect to step on the field if their teammate, no matter what their skill level, has attended every practice for that week. In my eyes, an athlete who wants to play has to be willing to devote their time to the team.

Second: How serious is their commitment?

Everyone has heard the expression, “Practice makes perfect.” However, this statement could not be more false because, “Perfect practice makes perfect.” In other words, in order to be successful, an athlete must work hard and push to their utmost level of intensity to earn playing time on the field.

I have experienced two kinds of soccer players. One kind works extremely hard no matter where they are and what they are doing. The other kind shows up with little concentration and only makes a social event out of practice. It takes a high level of commitment to achieve what a dedicated athlete really wants, and usually at the varsity high school level, athletes must work very hard to get the playing time they desire.

Third and most important: How do they react when they fail?

An athlete’s true character shines through when a parent sees how their athlete deals with failure. Going home and crying to their parents about not playing at all during a game only shows their major weakness to the sport. Instead, an athlete who fails should come home, grab their soccer ball, put on their cleats, and work on their shot that cannot seem to find the back of the net.

Failure for an athlete is good because it forces him or her to take a step back and figure out what went wrong. If they react well to their setback, they will fix the problem and come back playing at a higher level than they did before. Failure necessitates the athlete, not the parents, speak to the coach to determine what can be done better. This teaches the athlete to stand up for him or herself and take the initiative to solve the problem. If they do not have the heart to talk to the coach themselves, then they obviously do not care enough about the matter, and therefore must deal with the outcome, not the parents’.

Finally, a small disappointment can make them decide whether their sport is really what they want to do. At this point, and this point only, parents should take time to encourage the athlete about what should take place. A parent can even encourage their child to talk to their coach, as long as the athlete does it themselves without the aid of their parents. Perhaps a more beneficial idea would be to go outside and pass the ball to work on accuracy, help retrieve balls that missed the net, or go on regular jogs if the athlete lacks aerobic stamina.

What parents fail to realize is that usually the small, supportive gestures aid an athlete more than trying to tackle the big issue by fixing the problem for them. Usually, it is not the coaches that need the fixing; the athletes require repair. Instead of finding fault with the coach, look to the athlete and see what needs to be fixed.

Anson Dorrance, the head women’s soccer coach of the University of North Carolina, once wrote to women’s soccer star, Mia Hamm, “The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when no one else is watching.”

When I think of this quote, I think of the girl in the 1-1 tied soccer match. Her failure to perform to her potential was no one’s fault but her own. However, I can tell you that after that game, she went home, grabbed her soccer ball, put on her cleats, and headed outside to work on her footwork that seemed to lack quickness and an accurate touch. Simply by working on her own to improve her small weakness inevitably sets her apart from all the others, revealing passionate commitment to her sport, her team, and herself.