VH-1’s ‘Kept,’ ‘Strip’ of dubious worth

When the door slams shut on the TV season, an infestation of reality-show vermin begins its summer onslaught.

This weekend, VH1 comes out of the gate quickly, with the first new reality shows of what’s sure to be a long, dull summer.

Don’t hate “Kept” and “Strip Search” because they’re first. Hate them because they’re bad.

These two programs, premiering Sunday night at 9 and 10 before moving to Thursdays, provide plenty of reasons for dislike.

“Kept” stars Jerry Hall, the Texas model who married and divorced Mick Jagger, in a sort of gigolo twist on “The Bachelorette.” Twelve men are imported from the United States to compete for her favor – and her favors, with the prize being a year as her escort and $100,000.

Assistant Katy Edwards acts tough, dishing out the rules and announcing the weekly tasks and eliminations, while Hall acts alternately imperious and delirious, dismissing or fawning over potential boy toys.

One of them tries to impress Hall upon their first meeting by serenading her with the Stones’ “Angie,” changing her ex-husband’s lyrics to “Jerry.”

“Some of you are most definitely wankers,” assistant Katy tells the dozen hopefuls flat-out.

I couldn’t agree more.

“Strip Search” also is targeted mainly at women, but is marginally less creepy.

Billy Cross, founder of the Australian male revue “Thunder From Down Under,” goes across America to find 15 guys he can shape into a new, seven-person All-American strip revue.

Cross is accompanied on his ambush-audition hunt by familiar VH1 host Rachel Perry, whose cuteness and enthusiasm know few boundaries.

“Strip Search” has the personalities of Cross and Perry as an asset, and marginal hints of the audition-training-competition structure of “American Idol.” But it’s not worth watching.