Forgiveness is a right of sisterhood

Today is my sister’s birthday.

I love my sister and I wanted to send her a very special gift. So I decided, in honor of her birthday, to forgive her for all the things she did to me when we were growing up.

First, I forgive my sister for failing to understand that although she is only 14 months younger than I am, it is and always has been my God-given right as the oldest to tell her what to do. I even forgive her for all those times she didn’t take my advice, especially when years before I had kids of my own, when I was still staying out too late and carrying on with wild boys, she didn’t listen to me when I told her how to live her life and raise her children.

Next, I forgive her for making trouble for me every time the family went for a ride in the car.

Because she couldn’t tolerate my special humming sound for more than, oh, an hour or two – a sound that was inaudible to adult ears any farther away than, say, the front seat – my sister was prone to sudden bursts of explosive rage that included punching me; which meant I had to kick her; which usually meant I missed and kicked the back of the front seat instead; which meant that the clueless adults in the front seat were alerted to what was going on in the back seat; which, occasionally, left me with my own sore back seat. But that’s OK. I forgive her. I even forgive her for regularly exacting her own quiet revenge by getting car-sick and throwing up on me as soon as we both fell asleep.

I forgive my sister for always looking up to me and loving me unconditionally, and for setting me up to think the rest of the world would treat me the same way.

I forgive her for giving in to my bullying, for always giving me the biggest slice of pie, for snuggling up to me at night to keep me warm and for laughing at all of my jokes. What kind of preparation was that for the real world? She doesn’t have any idea how hard things have been for me because of her.

And, because I’m feeling especially generous, I’ve decided to forgive my sister for having the blonde hair and blue eyes I always wanted to have and for being prettier than me and smarter than I am. It’s not her fault. I’m sure she wouldn’t have chosen to have it that way.

The last time I talked to my sister she told me that she has lost weight and may even weigh less than I do. All I’ll say about that is that she should be careful. Some things are unforgivable.

Because she lives far away from me and we can’t get together on her birthday, I’m going to call my sister tonight to wish her a happy birthday. For old time’s sake, and because I’m safely out of reach, I won’t say anything when she answers the phone. I’ll just hum.