Yard sales offer rich bounty of treasures

The season is ending for all of us local rag pickers and rummage rats.

The garage sale section of the classified ads is getting smaller every weekend. Soon the only advertisers left will be the people who forgot to call in and stop the ad when winter arrived.

Under my wife’s thrifty direction, we play a game every Saturday morning in the summer. The game is called “Driving Miss Daisy While She Barks Out The Yard Sale Addresses From The Passenger Seat While Clutching The Want Ads.”

For my driving, I receive a small allowance each Saturday morning, to spend as I please. The allowance comes with a lecture on how a fool and his money are soon parted.

I plundered lots of yard sales during the summer, which has given me many projects to occupy the dark and dreary days of a Spokane winter.

Winter is when I am confined to the house preparing chips and salsa to give me strength to watch the next football game on TV. The salsa seems to improve my digital quickness in operating the remote control to switch between simultaneous games.

Here are some of my treasures and quantities of each purchased during summer 2005:

16 electric coffee makers: Some are missing operating buttons and things like filter holders, but cannibalizing the many should produce one top-of-the-line coffee maker sometime next April. I’ll be gulping hot java just in time to wake me up from the Spokane winter.

Nine Walkmans: Again, some are missing operating buttons, some have no headphones, and the little doors are gone from a couple. I am going to scavenge parts from all in order to fully equip the one underwater Sony Walkman for use in my emergency kit in case we ever suffer a hurricane here in the Inland Empire.

If there is any hint of a tropical storm heading our way, my Sony Walkman will become a Sony Runman.

One armoire: When I purchased this item, I thought “armoire” was French for “armory,” which meant a gun case to me. It was to be the perfect gift for my father’s birthday to hold his rifle collection.

It turns out that “armoire” is French for “a standing closet that only looks like a big gun case.” The doors lock on this armoire, and it has air holes that make me think I can use it for “grandchildren containment” during fall games on TV.

Thirty-one coffee mugs (see coffee makers above): Several of these items are without chips, and most with a colorful logo of various Spokane businesses. Almost all of these coffee mugs were purchased for $1 due to me slipping into my “bully” persona and intimidating the yard sale cashier into accepting what I offered.

Several sales persons were left with my small offering and tears in their eyes.

The complete set of National Geographics: All of the National Geographics ever printed with multiple backups for most months and years. For reading while taking a break from winter projects mentioned above.

Sixty-one decks of playing cards: Most decks have a minimum of 50 cards. Great for playing solitaire during above mentioned Spokane winter.

Nineteen teacups with matching saucers: Most purchased due to impressive manufacturer’s name on the bottom of the cups, like “Queen Elizabeth XII Pansy Edition From The Musty Years Collection” and others not so impressive, like “Made In China” which still seems suitable for china.

I purchased these tea sets in case some long-lost wealthy relations from England drop by for a visit and need to be spotted with some tea.

1992 Ford Crown Victoria: This is a former cop car with the Plexiglas divider separating the front seat from the back seat. The cop radio and front passenger seat have been removed.

This item was purchased in anticipation of next year’s Driving Miss Daisy Game. I have already printed up a sign: “Please hold up next garage sale address for driver’s viewing.”