Dear Annie: I am a small business owner with two small children. My husband is stationed in Iraq.
I know everybody has their own opinion on the war, but I have some customers who like to verbalize their opinions. They like to tell me we are losing soldiers for no reason. It really bothers me that they think my husband is not making a difference and that it is stupid he is over there to begin with.
I have heard it so much lately, I really don’t know what to say. It hurts that these people don’t consider my feelings when they spout off. What can I do that will not be rude? – Proud Wife of a Soldier
Dear Proud Wife: These customers may not realize your husband is in Iraq. Or, they may think they are being sympathetic to you by disparaging the war. In any event, it is not rude for you to point out that you would prefer if they stopped. Simply say, “My husband is serving in Iraq. I would appreciate it if you would keep him in your thoughts in a more positive way. Thank you.”
Dear Annie: I am a 49-year-old peri-menopausal woman, and while I don’t initiate sex as often as I used to, I enjoy myself once things are under way. I was depressed by the letters you recently printed about menopausal women. The consensus seems to be that the desire for intercourse is definitely going to go away once the estrogen does.
Will you ask your post-menopausal readers if any of them have maintained a reasonable level of desire for sex and, if so, do they think there is a particular reason? Also, do researchers think they’re ever going to come up with a drug that does for women what Viagra does for men? – Anywhere, USA
Dear Anywhere: The researchers will keep trying, because the problem is real and the company that comes up with Viagra for women is going to make a bundle. If any of our readers would like to respond to your question about maintaining a healthy sex life after menopause, we’ll let you know. Meanwhile, here’s more:
From L.A.: I applaud “Man with a Happy Wife” for explaining that doing loving things helps women get in the mood. I also applaud the woman from New York who is willing to accommodate her husband even when she doesn’t have the desire. However, I have a problem with the woman from L.A. who suggests her husband should get “medication to reduce his sex drive.” How selfish. What if her husband refused to get a job, attend a family function or talk with her because he didn’t feel like it? Would she take medication to reduce her need for these things? Women who think they should have the ultimate say-so in how frequently the couple has sex are in a relationship that is heading downhill.
Midwest: Where can I find “Man with a Happy Wife”? Does he have any single brothers? His approach may not solve the whole problem, but it sure would go a long way to make it better. His wife is so-o-o-o-o lucky.
Quartz Hill, Calif.: My husband found an answer to my menopause problems. He left me. Now I don’t have to deal with his anger when I’m not in the mood.
Illinois: Thanks for pointing out that no matter how thoughtful and gentle the man is, it may not be enough to get the juices flowing. I know this sounds ludicrous, but eating a few homemade oatmeal cookies turn on my love light. I also found that in early menopause, taking magnesium did wonderful things for the libido. Now, I take a little zinc (with food) to get in the mood. And yes, I think it is a woman’s responsibility to try to revive her libido, because sex is very important to a man as a way to feel close to his mate.
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