Lose beau who pals around with exes

Dear Annie: I have been seeing “Alberto” for a couple of years. He is 56, and I am 45.

Alberto has had quite the past with various women. He does not see anything wrong with keeping in contact with them. They call him on his cell phone, he continues to have lunch with them, and he takes them for rides on his motorcycle.

Is this normal behavior, or should I be jealous? Alberto knows that I do not approve of these friendships. He even has had conversations with these women about me. He tells me I need psychiatric help because I get upset.

I’ve told Alberto I have no problem with his past – unless it’s happening in the present. Should I end this relationship and move on? – Just Wondering in Wyoming

Dear Wyoming: Yes. Alberto’s friendships with these women may be perfectly innocent, but they do not include you, and this creates uncertainty and justifiable concern. Trustworthy men do not have private phone calls, lunch dates and motorcycle rides with old girlfriends. Either he should reassure you about these friendships by including you, or he should end them. When he says you need psychiatric help, it’s his way of deflecting the blame. Lose him.

Dear Annie: I am prior military, and my husband is active duty. We spend most of our lives stationed far away from our families. We can’t afford to go home often, and there are times when even phone calls are too expensive. In spite of all this, my family believes the entire burden of maintaining a family relationship falls on our shoulders.

In the past 16 years, I have visited my family more times than my mother has phoned me. If I don’t call her, we don’t talk. I’m left out of family news, such as when my mother remarried and my sister had a baby. The attitude is that since I chose to leave home, I prefer not to be part of the family.

Now my mother’s husband is seriously ill. I can’t afford to fly home, so my family thinks I’m turning my back on them. I resent that they now say I’m “letting them down,” because I can’t afford to come running when they want me to.

I know not all military families are like this. I’m very blessed to have wonderful in-laws who call, write, e-mail and visit, while understanding that we can’t always come to them. I hope this can be a wake-up call for other families whose expectations are out of line. – Had It

Dear Had It: We hope so, too. Your family members sound too self-involved to appreciate your difficulties. We recommend you do what you are able and let the rest roll off. This is not your fault.