On East Side, love of beaters tops tax break

I‘m steaming like the radiator on a ‘52 Buick chugging up the Lewiston Grade.

There’s only one thing that will cool my engine down. And that would be kicking Doug Ericksen’s undercarriage from Twisp to Tukwila.

Ericksen is a state representative from Bellingham.

“Pompous busybody” is a more apt title.

Instead of doing what state lawmakers do best – bending over for influence peddlers – Ericksen is proposing a tax break designed to rid the Washington roadways of old cars.

“I wanted something that would clean up the air as quickly as possible,” said the Republican. “Old cars are clearly the biggest polluters.”

Aw, bite my tailpipe.

This is just another example of West Side snobbery run amuck.

If this guy knew anything about the Evergreen State, he’d know that driving a beater is the transportation du jour for most of us who live east of the Cascades.

Half the cars on Spokane County roads still have their original Expo ‘74 bumper stickers.

Every few minutes in the Ingrown Empire a variation of the following conversation takes place:

DEKE – “Hey, Bubba, I bought me a new car the other day.”

BUBBA – “No kidding? What’d ya get?”

DEKE – “A ‘75 Monte Carlo, man.”

BUBBA – “Sweeet.”

Allow me to recap Ericksen’s diabolical scheme as told in a story that appeared Thursday in The Spokesman-Review.

After the new legislative session kicks off Monday, Ericksen plans to introduce a bill that would waive the sales taxes on new cars bought by motorists who drive cars at least 15 years old.

What is this idiot thinking?

The 15-year mark is when an automobile is just starting to lose that new car smell.

Ericksen thinks his tax break will be incentive enough to get drivers to trade in their old cars on a new set of wheels. In Spokane, for example, the tax on a new $25,000 car is about $2,175.

All those fine vintage trade-ins would then be rendered into scrap.

Oh, the calamity.

I’ve got news for Ericksen. The only way he’s getting my ‘67 Vista Guzzler is by prying my cold dead fingers off the cracked plastic steering wheel.

Eastern Washington’s beater brigade won’t be bought for a lousy $2,175 tax break.

Most of us won’t qualify for a new-car loan – which is why we DRIVE OLD CARS!

But that’s OK. There’s something spiritual about cruising Division in a vehicle that was manufactured before the Beatles broke up.

And there’s no shame in owning a car with a peeling vinyl top. That’s why God gave us duct tape.

Sure, old cars gobble gas. Sure, old cars belch fumes. But the noble rust bucket also provides some eco-friendly benefits:

•All those poisonous emissions keep the rat population under control.

•Pollution-spewing old cars contribute to global warming. But the way my Avista heat bill keeps rising, I say bring it on!

Ericksen obviously has never bothered to consider the rape of the Earth from manufacturing all those shiny fuel efficient automobiles.

Building new cars takes gobs of energy. Car plants consume precious natural resources.

But the biggest sin of all is what the automotive industry has done to the beloved rock songs of my generation.

Some of our greatest songs have been driven into the ground thanks to nauseatingly repetitious car commercials.

Honestly, if I hear that “Dust in the Wind” monstrosity one more time, I’m going to drive my relic Olds straight off High Drive.

So when you consider all the facts, we old-car drivers aren’t the evil polluters Ericksen thinks we are.

We are rattletrap recyclers.