Help ensure cheers don’t lead to jeers

Dear Harriette: My daughter is marrying a lovely young man who comes from a great family. His grandfather, however, has proven to be less than civil in the past at family functions. He drinks heavily and has really disrupted some things. I want to make sure he is “managed” at the wedding. Who can I ask on his side of the family about this? Should I advise the wedding coordinator? If he messes up her special day, well, I don’t know how I will react! — Cynthia, Detroit, Mich.

Dear Cynthia: Almost always, someone drinks too much or otherwise acts up at a wedding, usually a close family member. Can you control this? Not really, but you are wise to think ahead to help support an uplifting experience.

In the best of worlds, your daughter should talk to her fiance and ask him to help figure it out. He may know the perfect person who can diplomatically and lovingly take care of his grandfather if he becomes disruptive. Your intervention could feel like judgment on his family’s part, which is not a good precedent to set as they enter into a union that includes both families.

Once someone is identified, your future son—in—law should advise the person to make sure granddad eats and to monitor his alcohol intake to the best of his or her ability. You can earmark a private room or area for anyone who becomes inebriated, which granddad can use, if necessary.