Annie’s Mailbox : Pushy in-law quite annoying

Dear Annie: I have been married to a farmer for 18 years. He has never made a very good living, even though he works seven days a week, 365 days a year. My job pays most of the household bills.

I was laid off at the beginning of the year, and my unemployment benefits are about to end. There are lots of projects (minor repairs, painting) that I’d like to finish before I start a new job. Plus, we have two teenage sons, and I’ve never really spent much time with them. My husband and I have money in the bank, and it won’t hurt us if I take off another month.

Here is the problem. My mother-in-law calls every day to ask if I’ve found a job yet. It is really starting to get on my nerves. Mom recently went to the hospital with kidney stones. While there, she asked about finding me a job at the hospital. She told me I need to dress “real pretty” and tell them I need work.

This isn’t the first time my mother-in-law and I have bumped heads. She’s said I’m “lazy” because my house is not as clean as she thinks it should be. I want my husband to tell his mother to mind her own business and quit bugging me about a job. He says not to let her bother me. What do you say? – Unhappy in Michigan

Dear Michigan: You are both right. Your husband should tell his mother that this is not her business, and you should stop letting her get to you. If he doesn’t have the gumption to speak up, you ought to say, “Mom, it’s time to drop the subject. I’ll be getting a job soon enough.” If she persists, ignore her.

Dear Annie: My mother passed away in August. It has been a very trying time for the family. I know you send out thank-you cards for money and plants and flowers. Do I send one if they prepare food? Do I send one for a sympathy card? We have gotten a lot of everything from a lot of people and want to do the right thing. – Lily

Dear Lily: According to Peggy Post, thank-you notes should be sent for flowers, for Mass cards, for contributions, for all personal condolences and for special kindnesses like prepared meals. You don’t need to send them for printed condolence cards with no personal message added, or for calls at the funeral home.

Dear Readers: Remember to change your clocks back one hour before you go to sleep tonight, and while you’re at it, replace the batteries in your smoke alarms. We want you to wake up safe and sound. And on time.