Anger could be sign of problems
Dear Annie: I have been married for 30 years to a man who has a voracious appetite for sex. It’s a nightmare. We can’t drive anywhere without his bugging me to sit topless in the car so he can ogle me and fondle my breasts. It’s such a turnoff, I can’t stand it. Sometimes I oblige simply to keep the peace, but it really makes me angry. He’s even suggested it when our grandchildren are sleeping in the back seat.
He complains that I don’t initiate sex very often and that on the few occasions I do, all I want is to make love in bed. He prefers going outside. By the way, I use the term “make love” loosely. I don’t believe he’s ever made love to me. In my view, his fantasies make it something less than love.
I need to know if this is normal behavior for a 55-year-old man. – Tired of It All in the Midwest
Dear Tired: Has your husband always been like this? If so, his aging will not slow things down unless he develops a medical problem. After 30 years of “keeping the peace,” he has every confidence that you will eventually cooperate, and he undoubtedly thinks you should be flattered that he still finds you sexually exciting.
If everything else in your marriage is good, we’d tolerate a certain amount of this (although you risk being cited for indecent exposure if you are topless in your car, and we say absolutely NO such shenanigans with the grandchildren in the back seat). However, if your resentment is overwhelming or indicative of other problems, it’s time to discuss it with a counselor who will help your husband understand that his public ogling and fondling make you feel like an object instead of a loved one.
Dear Annie: What can I do about people who cut into conversations? One could be responding to a question, and someone breaks in midsentence with something totally unrelated. I have observed this with others besides me. People barely get a sentence completed. Please suggest some ways to respond. – Cut Off
Dear Cut Off: People have short attention spans. Or they may be afraid if they don’t say whatever pops into their heads, they’ll forget what it was. There are some who think their words are more important than yours, and, of course, some folks are just rude. It’s perfectly OK to say politely, “Sorry, I wasn’t finished,” and continue.