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The Slice: In the end, pine cones always win

Welcome to rrrrrrrTHWACK season.

That’s the sound of people mowing lawns without bothering to clear the yard of pine cones first.

Sometimes those doing the mowing are simply hired to cut the grass, and they don’t feel that raking is part of their job.

Every once in a while, though, you’ll encounter a homeowner who has simply surrendered to the pine trees on his or her property.

That might sound weak. But maybe you’ve never dealt with a demon fir. You can spend forever picking up pine cones. Then, the moment you go inside…PLOP…PLOP…PLOP.

These trees all but taunt you, if the truth be told.

Ever heard an evergreen laugh? It sounds a bit like wind in the boughs.

Sure, mowing over pine cones is sloppy. And it’s probably not great for the mower blades.

Still, sometimes the choice seems clear: You can either keep up with collecting the pine cones falling into the yard, or you can lead a productive life.

You cannot hope to do both.

RrrrrrrrrTHWACK. RrrrrrrrrTHWACK.

“Here’s an idea for some enterprising rural county: OK, suppose the talking-while-driving cell phone ban becomes law. And let’s further suppose the police actually enforce it in a robust way.

Well, the inevitable upshot of that would be tens of thousands of Washington residents becoming three-time losers inside a month.

Eventually, fines would not be adequate punishment.

So we would need a lot of new jail space.

Maybe some Eastern Washington county could declare itself a Penal Colony. It could contract with the state to house the legions of phone scofflaws.

Prisoners could be made to do agricultural work while serving their sentences.

It might be fun to be a movie-like guard at one of these work farms.

“Hey, No. 4589! I said no talking. You’re not in your minivan now. Wasn’t your inability to keep your mouth shut for five seconds the reason you’re here in the first place?”

Of course, as always, the people who would really benefit from this would be lawyers.

So never mind.

“Another amazing feat of mail delivery: A friend who lives on West 22nd Avenue in Spokane said his son received a birthday card from his grandmother addressed to him on “West @@nd Ave.”

Someone apparently realized “@” is a capital “2” on a keyboard.

“Favorite conspiracy theory: “Theory? It isn’t a theory and you and the others know it!” — Mike B.

“Today’s Slice question: What’s your unusual tactic for fighting off drowsiness and staying awake on long drives?

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