Wife spanks guys’ behinds

Dear Annie: My wife, “Penny,” thinks it is great fun to spank the behind of whomever happens to be bending over in front of her (usually guys). She spanks them as hard as she can. If she happens to hurt her hand on a wallet, she doesn’t miss a beat and spanks the other cheek just as hard.

This has always made me uncomfortable. When she did it at a party the other night, I held my tongue, but later that evening, the tables were turned, and the guy she smacked earlier (a very good friend) spanked her back when she was bending over.

I decided to say something the next morning, and boy do I wish I hadn’t. Penny accused me of never letting her have any fun, that she’s just playing, and she even does it to her boss at work. She said that’s just the way she is and if I couldn’t accept it, maybe we shouldn’t be together.

Annie, I know this really is just innocent humor to her. Am I wrong to think some guy might get the wrong impression? – Bozo’s Husband

Dear Husband: Most people don’t like to have their behinds smacked hard, and we’re surprised Penny’s friends don’t walk backward when they see her coming. Not only might some guy get the wrong impression and think she’s making a pass, but one of these days, someone might get angry and slug her. She doesn’t seem to be listening to your objections to this juvenile behavior, so we hope her friends will tell her to knock it off, because it’s not as hilarious as she thinks.

Dear Annie: I am a 30-year-old woman with two beautiful children. I own my home, two cars, and have a good job that allows my children to live comfortably. From what I am told, I am nice-looking.

After numerous bad relationships, I recently decided to stop allowing people to walk all over me. I am now seeing “Pete.” Even though he is wonderful to my children, I am not sure how much longer I can hang on. We have been together nearly seven months. Pete can be extremely selfish, vain and thoughtless. We don’t agree on many issues, and when something is wrong, he blames me. He says I need to be in control and that my expectations are irrational.

I expect love, kindness, humor, thoughtfulness, fidelity, friendship and his undivided attention during important conversations. Last, but certainly not least, I want effort and passion. Am I asking too much? – Hopeless in New York

Dear N.Y.: Well, you’re obviously asking too much of Pete. You should be able to find a guy who will have most of the qualities you want, and also be someone who isn’t vain and selfish. It speaks well of Pete that he’s good to your children, but it’s not enough. Stop hanging on. It’s not working.