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Sunday, September 22, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  Features

Odds for ‘08 improve 2 percent

By Paul Turner The Spokesman-Review

Rest easy.

The future is assured.

Milk cartons sporting January 2008 sell-by dates have started showing up.

That’s practically a guarantee that we’re all going to make it.

•A friend writes: “One of our cats loves to sleep on our Comcast digital cable box. We think it’s the heat.”

My correspondent wonders if other Spokane area felines do this.

Probably. But maybe it’s not just the warmth that attracts them. Perhaps these cats are trying to influence viewing/recording selections.

If I had to guess, here’s what cats want to watch.

“The Godfather.” There’s that great scene early on where Marlon Brando sets the tone for everything to come, all while stroking a cat.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” The rain-soaked rescued cat getting smushed between the lovers at the end has got to be a feline favorite.

“Mrs. Miniver.” Brave cat endures German bombing.

Any of the “Sylvester” cartoons featuring the animated tuxedo cat’s small son. Junior’s ashamed “Oh, father” routine probably cracks cats up.

•Insanity of the season: Some call the Christmas carol “Up on the Housetop.” Others prefer “Up on the Rooftop.”

But either way, this holiday classic presents some truly alarming gift suggestions.

Haven’t heard it lately? OK, let’s review.

First little Nell gets a dolly that laughs and cries. Fine. No problem there.

But then, well, let’s allow this deranged song to speak for itself.

Next comes the stocking of little Will

Oh, just see what a glorious fill

Here is a hammer and lots of tacks

Also a ball and whip that cracks

Right. Give a kid a hammer and tacks. That’s a swell idea.

And if you think a whip is an appropriate present for your own little Will, please report yourself to the nearest child protective agency.

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn’t go?

Ho, Ho, Ho! Who wouldn’t go?

What’s your favorite unintentionally insane Christmas carol lyric?

•Maybe people thought it was a band name: Almost all of the campaign signs are gone now. But Greg Johnson said that as he scanned the results of last month’s election he was surprised that Sprinkler Blowouts apparently didn’t get any votes at all.

•Today’s Slice question: What local quirk that once bugged you eventually became something that almost makes you smile?

Wordcount: 361
Tags: The Slice

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