The Slice: Marmots have grand plans in their sights

Before I get to the Grand Exalted Poohbah Marmot’s report, here are the latest members accepted into the Marmot Lodge.

Big Mama, Shorty, Riverine Scout, Lady Marmontlade, Señor Softball, Hot Rod Marmot, Blondie Marmot, Lars, Poohbette 1, Poohbette 2, Potatoe, Juanita, Pheonix, Becky Bushy Tail, Marmee Maresy, Miss McBoxer, Atlas, Butterfly, Brigitte Marmot (pronounced Mar-mo), Squatch, Nana Pat, E. Pluribus, Kimot, Karmot, Debmot, Princess Winmot, Minnie the Marmot, Trouble, Fuzzy Tooth, Sister Arrow of Balance, Katinka, Rico, Dawber Mushmouse, Lady Marmo-Lade, Marmanna, Brother Filbert and Kahlotus Marmot.

Contributions from this group put total Marmot Lodge donations to the Spokane Humane Society at about $600.

As of Thursday morning’s mail — exactly two weeks since the application appeared — 251 readers had been approved as charter members of the International Order of Friendly Marmots. (This figure varies slightly from the total of nicknames printed because a number of applicants did not specify a lodge moniker. Also, several applicants inexplicably chose “Grand Poohbah.” Sorry, that title is taken.)

OK, here’s my report.

“Is this a sneaky way to do demographic research?” Miss Marmie asked on her application.

Not really. But I can tell you that applications came from all over the newspaper’s circulation area. I haven’t done any true data-crunching, but it seemed like females outnumbered males 6-4. The average age of the founding Marmots appeared to be in the high 50s.

Mother Marmot listed her age as 106, “in marmot years.”

That notwithstanding, Spunky Granny appeared to be the oldest applicant, at 94.

A couple of 6-year-olds tied for youngest, though 8-year-old Gaber the Gamer might have been the youngest who did most of his own paperwork.

“Dear Mr. Turner. I am 8 years old. Sometimes I go to Riverfront Park and have seen marmots. Since I am on summer vacation and do not have much to do, I will join your lodge.”

Digger, a brother marmot in Post Falls, wrote, “I am only doing this to marmot-up my resume.”

Marmini, a sister marmot in Spokane, noted that she will be in Tibet for much of the summer.

Marmlover suggested that we all get rub-on marmot tattoos.

Juan Lucky said our motto could be, “We-ooo, that was close!”

Inchelium member, Lady Chubby Cheeks, wondered what would be the Marmot Lodge’s first project.

But Hellion, a sister marmot in Spokane, expressed optimism about whatever we decide to do. “I am quite excited about the possibilities for grass-roots growth,” she wrote. “Wouldn’t that phrase be a literal translation of what happens naturally with marmots?”

In any event, Ground Hog over in Grand Coulee is ready to get together. “I can hardly wait for the first convention,” she wrote.

Stay tuned.

“Today’s Slice question: Ever glanced at Caller I.D. and then answered the phone because you thought Tom Sowa was calling, only to discover that it was actually someone with Special Olympics of Washington?