Ignore nasty, mean in-law

Dear Annie: I’m a 59-year-old woman. My husband had a terrible childhood with a mentally abusive mother. She is so nasty that his other siblings have no contact with her, but my husband still treats her extremely well. She lives far away, but we have sent her money the entire 25 years we have been married, even though all the other siblings make a lot more money than we do.

My husband says his mother is mentally ill. I say she is just mean. I cannot understand why my husband is willing to take such garbage from the person who hurt him so much. He would not take this abuse from anyone else.

I finally gave up dealing with her. I used to call her and then cry for days from the horrible things she’d say to me, but I don’t call her anymore. I would be entirely rid of her if I divorced my husband, and I’m almost ready to do it. I’m so tired of being hurt. Does that sound awful of me? I want my husband to tell her that the money train stops if she continues to be mean to me. – Sad in Shreveport, La.

Dear Sad: You do not have to have any contact with your mother-in-law if she treats you with disrespect, but it is not a good idea to dictate to your husband how he should deal with his mother. Let him know you will no longer speak to her in person or on the telephone, since she is so hurtful, but allow him to treat her in whatever way brings him peace of mind.

Dear Annie: I have a good friend of many years, “Irma,” who has a heart of gold. She recently had a group of friends at her home for a barbeque.

The meal was OK. However, the kitchen sink, refrigerator and countertops were absolutely a disgrace. They were so dirty! I am not a clean freak, but I have never seen a restroom at any public facility as filthy as her bathroom, especially around the commode.

I don’t want to offend Irma, but I am hesitant to ever eat at her place again. I would be happy to ask my cleaning lady to clean Irma’s kitchen and bathroom. Should I offer? – A Friend

Dear Friend: You can offer, provided you don’t tie it to the condition of her house. First, ask your cleaning lady if she would be willing to do this, or knows someone who would. Then you can approach Irma and say, “By the way, my cleaning lady is looking for some extra work (or she has a friend who is). Would you be interested?”