Annie’s Mailbox : His crack habit puts all at risk

Dear Annie: My 32-year-old brother, “Jason,” has been using crack cocaine for several years. He has two children from different women – a 14-year-old boy who lives with his mother, and a 7-year-old girl.

Jason and his daughter have been living with my parents for six years. Our parents are aging and tired. My mother has had cancer, two heart attacks and wears a pacemaker. Her health has been deteriorating for years, but this doesn’t bother Jason. He comes and goes as he pleases, pays very little for living there and uses crack in their house.

My parents have asked Jason several times to leave, but they worry about his daughter. The little girl’s mother is not in the picture, and my parents will not resort to calling the police to have him removed.

I’ve tried explaining to my parents that allowing Jason to live with them is essentially enabling him to live as an addict. I feel they are helping him along to the grave, but they just don’t get it.

I rarely visit my parents anymore because their home is a place of tension, anger and sickness. Is there a way to help, or are things too far gone? – Giving Up in Toronto, Canada

Dear Toronto: Your parents won’t give up on Jason, and they rightfully fear what could happen to their granddaughter if he leaves and takes her with him. But they can be arrested if they allow him to use crack in their home. Please contact Families Anonymous (familiesanonymous.org) at (800) 736-9805 and Nar-Anon Family Groups (nar-anon.org) at (800) 477-6291 for help and information.

Dear Annie: I get along well with most people, but occasionally some friends get upset or offended by my remarks, even though I don’t mean to offend.

Once, when I saw a girlfriend wearing a pair of jeans that were so tight you could tell what coins she had inside the pockets, I blurted out, “How did you get into those jeans?” I really was wondering. She was hurt and offended, so I apologized and said I didn’t mean anything by it.

Another person got really ticked off because I brought up a topic that hit a sore spot. He bought a computer, and had he waited a few days, he could have gotten a better one for the same price.

My question is, whose problem is it if a person gets upset by something another person says? – Wendy

Dear Wendy: This isn’t about right or wrong. It’s about sensitivity to others’ feelings. True, some people are easily offended, but no one likes hearing negative judgments about their appearance, nor does anyone enjoy being told he made a purchasing mistake when it’s too late to do anything about it. We know you don’t intend to insult your friends, so when in doubt, be quiet.