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Thursday, September 19, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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News >  Features

This Thanksgiving, do the right thing

By Paul Turner The Spokesman-Review

With just a week until Thanksgiving, it’s time to go over a few rules.

There are some things you will want to keep in mind next Thursday. Let’s get started.

Do: Be honest about your feelings, if politics or religion comes up.

Don’t: Say, “You people are all going to hell.”

Do: Admit that the holiday has a mixed legacy.

Don’t: Presume to speak for all Native Americans.

Do: Note that this month marks the 20th anniversary of “Planes, Trains & Automobiles.”

Don’t: Ask, “Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?” more than seven or eight times.

Do: Feel free to express your lack of enthusiasm for sitting around and watching football on TV.

Don’t: Make a big deal about the number of commercials for erectile-dysfunction drugs.

Do: Give the vegetarians a hard time.

Don’t: Do so unless you know they will enjoy giving it right back to you and that nobody is going to wind up with hurt feelings.

Do: Ask people to identify their favorite Thanksgiving scene in a movie.

Don’t: Forget about “Giant,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “Holiday Inn,” “Avalon,” “The Ice Storm,” and “Broadway Danny Rose.”

Do: Bash the unwatchable way the networks present the parades these days.

Don’t: Rant with your mouth full.

Do: Praise the dressing.

Don’t: Tell your salmonella story.

Do: Admit that you are already pretty full as you discuss the pie options.

Don’t: Unbuckle and unzip your pants at the table.

Do: Engage nonfamily guests in conversation.

Don’t: Grill the bejesus out of them.

Do: Tell the same old family stories everyone has heard a million times.

Don’t: Bash people’s exes or rub salt in old wounds.

Do: Turn off your cell phone.

Don’t: Play music despised by more than 50 percent of those gathered.

Do: Give a little thought to how you want to approach saying grace/offering thanks.

Don’t: Try to be the next Oprah.

•Warm-up question: How many Inland Northwesterners get their weather forecasts from Seattle area residents who, in the course of daily phone calls or e-mailing, describe conditions that might well be headed our way?

•Today’s Slice question: In how many Spokane area families can no one of driving age operate a stick shift?

Wordcount: 372
Tags: The Slice

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