Arrow-right Camera

The Spokesman-Review Newspaper The Spokesman-Review

Thursday, September 19, 2019  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
Partly Cloudy Night 52° Partly Cloudy
News >  Features

This Thanksgiving, do the right thing

By Paul Turner The Spokesman-Review

With just a week until Thanksgiving, it’s time to go over a few rules.

There are some things you will want to keep in mind next Thursday. Let’s get started.

Do: Be honest about your feelings, if politics or religion comes up.

Don’t: Say, “You people are all going to hell.”

Do: Admit that the holiday has a mixed legacy.

Don’t: Presume to speak for all Native Americans.

Do: Note that this month marks the 20th anniversary of “Planes, Trains & Automobiles.”

Don’t: Ask, “Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?” more than seven or eight times.

Do: Feel free to express your lack of enthusiasm for sitting around and watching football on TV.

Don’t: Make a big deal about the number of commercials for erectile-dysfunction drugs.

Do: Give the vegetarians a hard time.

Don’t: Do so unless you know they will enjoy giving it right back to you and that nobody is going to wind up with hurt feelings.

Do: Ask people to identify their favorite Thanksgiving scene in a movie.

Don’t: Forget about “Giant,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “Holiday Inn,” “Avalon,” “The Ice Storm,” and “Broadway Danny Rose.”

Do: Bash the unwatchable way the networks present the parades these days.

Don’t: Rant with your mouth full.

Do: Praise the dressing.

Don’t: Tell your salmonella story.

Do: Admit that you are already pretty full as you discuss the pie options.

Don’t: Unbuckle and unzip your pants at the table.

Do: Engage nonfamily guests in conversation.

Don’t: Grill the bejesus out of them.

Do: Tell the same old family stories everyone has heard a million times.

Don’t: Bash people’s exes or rub salt in old wounds.

Do: Turn off your cell phone.

Don’t: Play music despised by more than 50 percent of those gathered.

Do: Give a little thought to how you want to approach saying grace/offering thanks.

Don’t: Try to be the next Oprah.

•Warm-up question: How many Inland Northwesterners get their weather forecasts from Seattle area residents who, in the course of daily phone calls or e-mailing, describe conditions that might well be headed our way?

•Today’s Slice question: In how many Spokane area families can no one of driving age operate a stick shift?

Wordcount: 372
Tags: The Slice

Subscribe to the Morning Review newsletter

Get the day’s top headlines delivered to your inbox every morning by subscribing to our newsletter.

You have been successfully subscribed!
There was a problem subscribing you to the newsletter. Double check your email and try again, or email