Celebrities as never seen before

And you thought you’d seen celebrities do everything.

Dance, sing, skate. Live together, lose weight.

Get arrested, go to jail, go to rehab.

All dressed up, dressed down, dressed in (and out of) their underwear.

But now TV has come up with a new way to feed our pop culture cravings.

“Secret Talents of the Stars” arrives Tuesday night on CBS, at the too-late hour of 10 p.m., when the little ones won’t be able to see the show biz showing-off.

Thank our stars for DVRs. Then even the tykes will be able to savor the country music song stylings of “Star Trek” helmsman turned Howard Stern sidekick George Takei.

And the stand-up comedy of country crooner Clint Black. And kid star turned DJ turned human train wreck Danny Bonaduce astride a unicycle among circus clowns.

Sixteen stars will compete – ranging from R&B star Mya (tap dancing) to Olympic skater Sasha Cohen (contortionism) to the ubiquitous Ben Stein (dancing the jitterbug) – in a live, seven-week talent show.

Viewers will decide online who goes, who stays and who finally wins the, uh, whatever they win.

It sounds almost too good to be true – a cheesefest cornucopia along the lines of those 1980s network-glory-days legends “Battle of the Network Stars” and “Circus of the Stars.”

Add to that the reality competition element, and the celeb-crammed lineup, and it’s practically a trifecta of pop culture cool.

But not so fast, boys and girls. Robyn Nash, executive producer of “Secret Talents of the Stars,” isn’t having any of that campy trashing.

Nash, whose previous productions include “World’s Most Amazing Videos” and “Stupid Behavior: Caught on Tape,” has noble intentions.

“I’ve always been fascinated by celebrities and interested in other things they might do,” she says.

Nash remembers reading an article about Pierce Brosnan also being a fire-eater – sadly, not a talent to be showcased on this first edition – and thought celebrities must “all have secrets like that. And they aren’t always so tabloidy. I wanted to kind of find those and have it be like an old-fashioned variety show.

“Some of them are very good at their secret talent, and some are not so good,” Nash admits, “but we’re pairing them with really strong backing acts, so they have a chance to really shine.

“If someone’s singing, they’re singing with a 20-piece orchestra. If someone’s dancing, we’re surrounding them with 14 to 16 great dancers. These are big production numbers. We’re not looking for anyone to fall on their face.”

Oh, dear. Whither the cheese factor?

Perhaps it will come in the costuming.

When ABC’s “Battle of the Network Stars” pitted 1970s and ‘80s celebs in network-versus-network teams in such “sports” as the obstacle course or the baseball-throw dunk tank, you had sights like the one immortalized in a YouTube clip: Pernell Roberts in a Speedo, with the “Trapper John, M.D.” star suddenly seen in a light that might better have stayed dark.

Despite the new show’s title, the fun in “Secret Talents” is unlikely to come from seeing candid new sides of the stars. We already see them everywhere all the time in our fame-fixated world.

Back in the ‘70s and ‘80s, celebrities were at more of a distance, making it fascinating to see, say, Robert Conrad insulting his opponents and berating his teammates.

CBS still is banking on the series’ appeal, scheduling it to climax during the May sweeps – precisely where networks two decades earlier aired those previous star battles as ratings magnets.

Nash hopes viewers will “get attached to people as they move on (through semifinal rounds) and cheer for their favorites.”

If it doesn’t work this time, just wait.

Industry reports say NBC has picked up a “Celebrity Circus” format, and ABC, CBS and Fox are eyeing similar concepts.