The Slice: No back 40? You’re really just a gardener

I‘m told that you need to have a fairly enormous acreage under cultivation before growers in the Palouse will call you a farmer.

Otherwise, you’re just a hobbyist.

Let’s move on.

“Just wondering: In your experience, what are the key pros and cons of checking your work e-mail or phonemail from home on your day off?

“Mother of all reader interaction blurbs: Remember, you have until May 5 to submit your family photo and mini essay, “What my mother taught me about being a mom.”

“Slice answer: Botanist Diane Stutzman had a simple answer to the question about why people converted their turf lawns into landscaping schemes that do not require as much watering.

“I hate mowing,” she wrote.

She now helps operate a mom and pop nursery dedicated to native plants. You can check it out at www.desertjewelsnursery.com.

Maggie Fritz said concern about lawn-maintenance chemicals prompted her to gradually reduce the amount of grass she has and replace it with flower beds that are home to hardy perennials.

Mike and Sherry Davidson made the transition after their home was hooked up to a sewer system. Heavy equipment ripped up their lawn, revealing a yard composed of sand. This, they said, explained why no amount of watering could quench their lawn’s thirst.

Now they have a koi pond, some hedges and lots of rocks and flat stepping stones.

“For the record: The expression “Usual gang of idiots” refers to the staff at MAD magazine. The proper way to refer collectively to Slice contributors is “The bold and the beautiful.”

“Old business: “I’ve almost always worn short-sleeved dress shirts with suits and jackets, just as a matter of personal preference,” wrote Stephen Drummond.

He asserted that the Second Amendment to the Constitution protects his right to do so.

“Two-fer: Did anyone else catch that archival snippet of Debra Wilde (circa 1988) on the news the other night?

Has “pizza” ever been a baby’s first word?

“Comic book history: Just to review. Spokane was mentioned in the February 2000 issue of Iron Man. The city was menaced by Ultimo but managed to survive.

Anyway, I don’t suppose there is much chance that a local story line will show up in the new movie. That’s too bad. It might have been fun to hear Gwyneth Paltrow screech, “Iron Man, there’s a time bomb in the bell tower of St. John’s Cathedral! You’ll have to hurry!”

Or, “Iron Man, there’s a nuke strapped to one of the birds at Dick’s!”

Or, “Iron Man, Spokane’s voters are about to elect another uninspired placeholder! Do something!”

“Today’s Slice question: If someone accused you of being an elitist, what would you do?

A. Say, “Au contraire.” B. Say, “Well, yes, on this subject.” C. Argue that you are simply a defender of high standards. D. Note that your accuser has gravy on his chin. E. Spend some time immersed in searing introspection. F. Other.