The Slice: At the lake, they’d be disqualified

You know you are getting old when you find yourself wondering if the swimsuits worn by Olympic divers would get them kicked off a public beach.

Let’s move on.

•Slice reader Shelley Davis summarizes camping: “Having to go to the bathroom at 2 a.m. and struggling to find your shoes and sweatpants, then wrestling with the zipper on the tent.”

•Just wondering: Ever had qualms about riding in a car or truck because it sported a bumper sticker you regarded as cretinous?

•Slice answers: If Victor Franklin was assigned the task of drafting a dress code for Spokane, he would start with ball caps. “If you have to wear one, wear it as it was meant to be worn,” he wrote. “The backward cap only makes me believe the wearer doesn’t know if he’s coming or going.”

Jack Thompson offered a proposal that might strike some as harsh: “Cut off any appendage that has a tattoo.”

Another reader said she would require people to dress in clothes that fit. “Wearing smaller clothes does not make you skinnier.”

Joyce Cameron suggested, “No panty hose from June 15 to Sept. 15.”

And Karen Mobley wrote this: “While I think most dress codes are a violation of people’s artistic expression, if I were making one for Spokane I would hope that everyone would wear White’s Boots and elk hide work gloves.”

•This just in: “One of my pet peeves is television graphics overload,” wrote Peter Haggart of Moscow.

•Today’s baby name item: Did you know that “Chloe” is biblical?

•One ring shy: Dick Collins has a 4-year-old granddaughter named Aliyah. The other day, she spotted an Audi in traffic and declared that it was sporting the Olympic rings.

Well, almost.

•Bank on it: I like the cover of Spokane Metro magazine’s debut issue. To me, it says “This is a city, and it has been one for a while.”

I’m told next month’s cover will have “more curves.”

Hmmm.

•Today’s Slice question: When you are handed a baby to hold, what happens?

A) The kid magically stops crying. B) The child immediately defecates with such power and pungency that others in the room start to black out. C) The baby aims a skeptical expression in your direction, as if to ask, “Do you know what you’re doing?” D) The kid starts to fuss, and by doing so challenges your sense of self-worth. E) You feel the need to apologize to the kid for the fact that your generation pretty much stood by and watched the oceans become more polluted. F) You remember the power of hope. G) Other.