Mom keeps son’s name alive through fundraiser

Most parents are familiar with growth spurts. A once-picky eater may develop a voracious appetite and quickly outgrow everything from pants to shoes. But in 1994 when Rhonda Harvitt’s 14-year-old son, Josh Ashby, suddenly gained a lot of weight, a growth spurt didn’t seem to be the cause.

She took him to the doctor and was told her son should lay off the junk food and video games and exercise more. Harvitt wasn’t convinced that inactivity was the cause of his rapid weight gain. And when Ashby began to experience severe stomach pain, she took him to an urgent-care center. That visit sent them on a six-year voyage that no family wants to take.

The physician told Harvitt to take her son to Kootenai Medical Center, immediately. Tests revealed Ashby had a cancerous tumor in his stomach that had already metastasized to both lungs.

Though it’s been 14 years since she received the bleak news, she still weeps when she recalls it. Her life hasn’t been the same since that day. She and her son traveled to Children’s Hospital in Seattle, where Ashby had surgery and began chemotherapy. “He didn’t want people to know he had cancer,” said Harvitt. “He was a good-looking kid – girls were always chasing him.”

But as chemo took its toll and he started to lose his hair, his diagnosis became known. He was able to continue his treatment at Deaconess Hospital in Spokane, but he traveled frequently to Seattle for additional surgeries.

His mom tried to make the most of their trips. “We had lots of weekend movie dates,” she said, laughing. They eagerly looked forward to movie openings and made sure they arrived in Seattle early enough to see a show before he had to check in at the hospital.

Harvitt said, “Josh was good-natured and a practical joker.” He was also a determined fighter. Unfortunately, he’d met an equally determined foe. “He had a very rare cancer,” said Harvitt. “Only two in a million get it.” His mom found support by joining Candlelighters of the Inland Northwest, where she discovered caring people who understood her ordeal.

The surgeries and chemotherapy resulted in four years of remission. However, in 1999 Ashby began experiences severe headaches. Tests revealed the cancer was back – this time in his brain.

“He already told me, ‘I’m not going to do chemo anymore, Mom,’ ” Harvitt said. She choked back a sob. “I’m sorry,” she said, apologizing for her tears. “I usually do much better.”

Surgeons removed the brain tumor, but immediately new tumors began to grow. “He didn’t want to die,” Harvitt said. So she watched as her son endured five surgeries in six months. Finally, the doctors told her there was nothing more they could do.

Ashby’s 20th birthday was approaching. He told his mom, “I want a birthday party – not because I’m going to die, but because it’s my birthday.”

On Feb. 22, 2000, 100 friends and family members gathered to celebrate his special day. “He always called himself the Super Man, so we had a cake with Superman on it,” said Harvitt.

A few weeks later, Ashby died in his home.

“It’s tough,” said Harvitt, describing life without her son. “Grief is hard work.” She considers herself fortunate that in addition to the support she received from Candlelighters, she found solace in the Coeur d‘Alene chapter of Bereaved Parents. “It helped to be with other people who’d been down this road,” she said. “They know how I feel.”

Now, Harvitt is the co-leader of the Coeur d’Alene chapter. And with the assistance of her boyfriend, Mike Garrett, she’s also found an unusual way to help Candlelighters.

“Mike got me into shotgun sports a couple years ago,” she said. Last September they hosted the Josh Ashby Memorial Shoot at Landt Farms Sporting Clays in Nine Mile Falls. The event netted more than $5,500 for Candlelighters. This year organizers hope to raise even more.

The Second Annual Josh Ashby Memorial Shoot will be Sept. 7 at Landt Farms. “We welcome anyone who’d like to try it,” said Harvitt who found she really enjoys the sport. “We’re going to give away some prizes and awards.” Once again, 100 percent of the proceeds go to Candlelighters.

In her work with these organizations that assist families during a difficult and painful time, Harvitt has found a way to survive the loss of her son. Still, she said, “I miss his eyes, I miss his smile.”

The shoot has become more than just a way to raise funds for Candlelighters. Harvitt said, “It keeps my son’s name alive.”