Gently tell Mom you’d appreciate a call, knock first

Dear Annie: Due to financial difficulties, my husband, children and I moved into my mother’s house a year ago. Mom owns the place, but when we moved in, she decided to live full time in the condo she also owns. We pay the bills to keep the house running and do maintenance as needed.

Here is the issue: Mom, who lived in this house for more than 20 years, still has a key and stops by every day. She walks in without knocking and starts talking as if we have nothing else to do. She interrupts conversations between my husband and me or prevents me from working on important papers.

How do I get Mom to see that she doesn’t live here anymore and needs to respect our privacy? – Married Daughter

Dear Daughter: Mom still considers this to be her house, not yours, and she feels perfectly comfortable and justified dropping by whenever she chooses. Talk to her in a loving way and explain that you’re sure she doesn’t mean to intrude on your privacy, but the constant unannounced visits are creating some resentment and the worry that she might walk in at a particularly inopportune moment. She’s a landlord now, not a tenant. Ask her to please call first or, at the very least, knock before entering the house. If she refuses, we recommend installing a new deadbolt or even a simple chain. Tell her it’s for safety purposes. Although she will still be welcome, you’ll have a few minutes to put yourself together before opening the door.

Dear Annie: My wife and I have three children, only one of whom lives at home. The older two live in other parts of the country, are not married and will be traveling home for an upcoming family event. We will also be hosting two of their aunts and uncles, who are visiting from the West Coast for the same event.

Who should get the bedrooms? We don’t have a guest room because my elderly mother-in-law lives with us, along with her aide. My wife thinks the children should be able to have their former rooms when they are home. – John in Cincinnati

Dear John: We admire your hospitality. Those rooms that are regularly occupied (yours, your youngest child’s, your mother-in-law’s) should be left alone. All other bedrooms are “guest rooms.” It makes more sense for the older married couples to get private rooms and not have to sleep on pullout sofas or sleeping bags in common areas of the house. Your wife may fear that if she makes things less accommodating for your older children, they won’t come home as often, but we suspect the kids will come anyway.