Watch these or be left in the dark

Swell. They settled the Hollywood writer’s strike in time to salvage the Oscars telecast tonight.

Alas, once again none of my favorite movies will win so much as “Best Second-Unit Catering – Chicken Salad Adapted from Another Chicken Product.”

What do you suppose the Academy didn’t see that I did? The envelope, please, for these underrated, unheralded and, tragically, unviewed films:

“3:10 to Yuma” – When Gonzaga’s private charter plane is grounded with mechanical trouble, the Zags must reroute their road trip on alternative transportation.

“Daddy Day Camp” – Adults are sent off to learn how to behave at their children’s soccer, Pop Warner and Little League games.

“Eastern Promises” – A disgruntled donor pulls his pledge to help fund the Woodward Field press box and suites, so the EWU Eagles get to cover the tab by playing body-bag games at Texas Tech and Colorado.

“Eleven Men Out” – Horacio Ramirez’s 2007 Mariners season.

“No Country for Old Men” – Bill Doba bows out at Washington State, suggesting the Cougs need to find themselves a Tony Bennett clone to coach football.

“Arctic Tale” – Spokane-area high school teams scramble to reschedule games after the Great White-Out of 2008.

“Catch and Release” – Defensive back Terry Mixon manages to get himself recruited by and dismissed from both WSU’s and EWU’s football programs in the same season.

“The Nanny Diaries” – Was Roger Clemens at Jose Canseco’s party, or wasn’t he? Only the au pair in the peach bikini knows for sure.

“Air Guitar Nation” – When Gonzaga decides to sell the pep band’s seats to fat-cat donors, the Kennel Club finally shows some inventiveness in filling the void.

“Hairspray” – Mel Kiper Jr. gets ready for the NFL draft.

“Across the Universe” – DeAngelo Casto takes a circuitous route to his senior basketball season at Ferris High School.

“The Great Debaters” – Oregon State basketball players trash talk Washington at the end of practice and Marcel Jones leaves a message on the cell phone of Husky freshman Joel Smith saying, “Your ass-whupping is waiting in the parking lot.” Final score: UW 97, OSU 59.

“Race You to the Bottom” – The University of Idaho’s football and basketball teams embark on another season in the Western Athletic Conference.

“Talk to Me” – With the NCAA breathing down its neck, Indiana runs off speed-dialing coach Kelvin Sampson with a buyout of $750,000 and unlimited anytime minutes.

“Disturbia” – Welcome to the world of Pacman Jones.

“Are We Done Yet?” – Cougars football fans discuss the Alex Brink years.

“Atonement” – Cougars fans eat crow, for a day anyway, after Brink quarterbacks the Cougs to their third Apple Cup win in four tries.

“Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” – What do Manny Ramirez, Gene Keady and Scot Pollard have in common?

“Sicko” – Michael Vick checks into the prison infirmary, claiming a case of kennel cough.

“The Bucket List” – With no mission other than to get his 800th career victory, Eddie Sutton turns up to coach at the University of San Francisco.

“There Will Be Blood” – Brothers Drayson and Collin Bowman drop the gloves and trade punches in the Spokane-Kelowna hockey game. They receive matching 5-minute fighting penalties and are grounded for a week by their parents.

“I’m Not There” – Mike Hargrove, Bobby Knight, Bobby Petrino – does anybody see a job through anymore?

“La Vie En Rose” – Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are headed for the altar. Bridesmaids will wear pink Dallas Cowboys jerseys and the wedding will be performed out of the shotgun formation. Also, the Cowboys have signed Nick Lachey to play quarterback in hopes of winning a playoff game.

“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” – Barkley and Bird get into it on the set of TNT’s NBA studio show, and as punishment commissioner David Stern orders them to take over for Isiah Thomas as co-coaches of the New York Knicks.

“American Gangster” – WSU safety Xavier Hicks shows his bad-ass side by putting rubbing alcohol in the contact lens case of teammate Grady Maxwell after a dispute over the cable bill.

“Bug” – Fined for filming opponents’ sideline signals, New England Patriots coach Bill Belichek resorts to a different kind of espionage.

“Superbad” – Loyola Marymount, Pepperdine, Portland and USF pool their best players and still can’t beat anyone else in the West Coast Conference.

“Juno” – Richie Sexson’s batting average hits rock bottom before the All-Star break.

“In the Valley of Elah” – Trading one slingshot for another, Paul Wulff leaves EWU to coach football at Washington State.

“Black Book” – Rick Neuheisel asks to borrow Kelvin Sampson’s copy of the NCAA rules.

“The Final Season” – Mike Holmgren keeps having to shoo Jim Mora Jr. out of the head coach’s office at Seahawks headquarters.

“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” – The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform tackles important new business after probing the palpable mass on Roger Clemens’ buttocks.