The Slice: Feeding ban ruffled only a few feathers

Most of us who keep up with current events know that we’re not supposed to feed the ducks at city parks anymore.

We’ve read explanations. But we haven’t heard from the ducks.

So The Slice interviewed a few of Spokane’s feathered friends, to get their thoughts on this dietary transition. You wouldn’t believe the answers I got.

Here is a transcript of that freewheeling exchange.

Slice: So, how do you feel about the feeding ban?

Greenie: I understand that it is supposed to encourage us to eat healthier food. But did this have to get ramped up in the winter? Hello? The snack pickings tend to be a tad slim right about now. I know it’s usually a bad idea to fill up on the bread. But c’mon.

Slice: Will you miss interacting with people?

Waddles: Well, some of the kids are pretty cute. But I always worry about great-grandmothers falling into the water. And those geniuses with unchecked aggressive dogs, I won’t mourn the loss of time spent with them. Of course, those nitwits probably don’t know about the ban or don’t care. They’ll just keep tossing the stale Wonder bread.

Slice: What’s the difference between a tame duck and a wild duck?

Fowler: A wild duck has tattoos and doesn’t usually eat Snickers bars.

Slice: Will waterfowl leave Spokane because of the feeding ban?

Quacklynn: A few. The ones who are always talking about Seattle and Portland, maybe. But most of us like Spokane. Me, I grew up here. My brothers and sisters are here. We’ve got roots. There’s more to life than carbo-loading.

Slice: Did you feel like little kids understood you when you spoke to them?

Drake: Sometimes. Once, I yelled, “Hey, Madison! Throw that piece of bread over here.” And she did. Perfect strike. Kid had an arm. I wonder what she’s up to these days. Hope she decides to go out for softball.

Slice: What do Spokane ducks usually say to Spokane geese?

Babs: We say, “That boy is a P-I-G pig!”

Slice: How can you tell an Idaho duck from a Washington duck?

Bill: Idaho ducks are the ones with the NRA stickers.

Slice: Ever read “Make Way for Ducklings”?

Nike: Yes. Hasn’t everyone? But please don’t ask me about “Disco Duck.”

Slice: Do you regard bread on the water as an entitlement?

Dodie: I think of it more as a hand up than a handout.

Slice: Last question. Daffy or Donald?

Anastasia: Daffy. Donald’s a birdbrain. That voice. And that temper! Makes me want to say, “Bring on the plum sauce.”

“Today’s Slice question: What’s the worst thing about the fact that the code for the Pullman/Moscow airport is PUW?