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Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Chad offers random thoughts on state of TV

Norman Chad Staff writer

These are 23 (more) facts, tried and true, about the widening world of sports television:

1. Turned on “Around the Horn” the other day – they were arguing about something.

2. When I was 9, I watched sports on TV because I wanted to. Now at 49, I watch sports on TV because I’m an idiot.

3. When they built Radio City Music Hall, I don’t think they had the NFL draft in mind.

4. Watching golf without Tiger Woods is like eating a shrimp cocktail without shrimp.

5. I put the rabbit ears back on my TV, hoping the announcers might talk less.

6. I watch the Outdoor Channel because, well, I haven’t been outdoors in several years and it’s always nice to see how the other half lives.

7. Hey, if beach volleyball ever makes a comeback on NBC, that’s one sideline Jim Gray hasn’t worked yet.

8. ESPNews has a lot of highlights.

(Column Intermission I: Notre Dame’s president, Rev. John Jenkins, says the school and NBC have “a special relationship that’s about more than football.” Actually – and stop me if I’m being too cynical here – the special relationship is about two large institutions backing up the truck to the nearest Wells Fargo and dumping large amounts of cash into already-bulging Jumbo C.D. accounts, then retiring for a drink at 21.)

9. I think Charles Barkley might be better in the studio than David Brinkley ever was.

10. One of my ex-wives changed the presets on my car radio once and, well, I knew then it was just a matter of time.

11. If I’m 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, I’d be pretty darn peeved by now at that one mug shot they always show where he’s a bit disheveled.

12. Urban myth has it that I was already watching TV during my mother’s third trimester.

13. If someone grazes onto “The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch” on CNBC for 10 minutes and can tell me what the big idea is, I’ll give him a buck-and-a-quarter.

14. I know it’s un-American, but when I tune in to a hunting show, I root for the deer.

15. Billiards diva Jeanette Lee is now doing some on-air bowling work on ESPN. Yo, Jeanette, sweetheart – stay away from poker.

16. It’s just a hunch, but I believe if cable TV were around in the 1840s, Karl Marx would not have been a Marxist.

(Column Intermission II: John McCain is trying to become the 44th consecutive white male to assume the presidency. Now, that’s a streak.)

17. You know the old expression “like a bat out of hell”? That’s apropos for Chris Russo’s unspeakable “Mad Dog Minute” on msnbc.com.

18. I hit bottom recently when I was watching “Bingo America” on GSN. Then again, there are different layers of bottom: Patrick Duffy was hosting the show.

19. What’s the difference between Versus and a UFO? Versus doesn’t fly.

20. Baseball on TV can be divided into two parts – the beginning of the game and the middle. I’m never still around at the end.

21. Inexorably, my second Pabst Blue Ribbon always tastes better than my first.

22. Mary Carillo works for NBC, CBS, HBO, USA, ESPN and Oxygen. She alone exceeds my TiVo capacity.

23. It just struck me: Cavemen were the first bloggers.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Most announcers might tell us that Manny Ramirez has a “good eye,” but I recall Fox’s Tim McCarver saying Ramirez has the best “pitch identification system” in the league. Oh, I thought for a moment, does Manny bring an Excel spreadsheet to the plate with him? No, McCarver then further explained (of course) that Manny can see the ball out of the pitcher’s hand, know what type of pitch it is by the rotation of the seams and know where the location of the pitch will be. In short: Ramirez has a good eye. Would you file this under Reasons We Hate Tim McCarver, or is that filing cabinet full? (Paul Slavin; Houston)

A. I am currently taking bids on building an addition to that filing cabinet.

Q. I was watching “CSI” the other day and noticed that, in the opening credits, 12 people are listed either as producer, co-producer, executive producer or co-executive producer. “The Alan Brady Show” only had Mel Cooley; isn’t it time the industry gave Mel his due? (Dave Brouchard; Fairfax, Va.)

A. Hey, I was watching “King of Queens” the other day and they also listed 12 producers – and that show’s just pretty much Kevin James walking around in a Jets jersey. But, yeah, Mel Cooley was a producer without peer.

Norman Chad is a syndicated columnist. You can enter the $1.25 Ask The Slouch Cash Giveaway by sending e-mail to asktheslouch@aol.com. If your question is used, you win $1.25 in cash!