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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Survivors struggle forward (DUI deaths)


Kaye,  Pat and Christian Frisbie, from left, talk Friday about the death of Sawyer Frisbie, 10, in a car crash on May 26. The family had been staying at a motel in Coeur d'Alene but has since returned  home to Dallesport, Wash. 
 (Jesse Tinsley / The Spokesman-Review)
Meghann M. Cuniff Staff writer

Every night, thousands of drivers hit the roads with too much alcohol in their systems. Sometimes they get away with it; other times the result is a tragedy.

Pat Frisbie has been on both sides of that story. Like so many others, the North Idaho native drank as a way to unwind, socialize and have fun. And, sometimes, he and his wife drove when they knew they probably shouldn’t have.

But it’s been weeks since either finished a brew. Their 10-year-old son, Sawyer, is dead, and alcohol is to blame. The boy died May 26 when a drunken driver slammed into the car his mother was driving in Coeur d’Alene. The suspect, Ryan Jabaay, remains in Kootenai County Jail on charges of manslaughter, attempting to leave the scene of an accident, aggravated drunken driving and driving with a suspended license.

Police records show his blood alcohol content was 0.30 the night of the crash – nearly four times the legal limit.

Now, Frisbie and his wife, Kaye, face the monumental task of moving on. Cutting alcohol out of their lives is one step. Remembering Sawyer and helping their other son, Christian, 12, who suffered severe injuries in the May 26 crash, is another.

“That’s our main concern right now is getting him better,” Kaye Frisbie said.

They’ll join thousands of parents across the country coping with unbearable grief. While many stories are similar, how they move on can be quite different.

“Everybody responds in a different way,” said Karen Minahan, a Washington spokeswoman for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. “Some people live in a dark hole and they have no idea how they’re ever going to move on in their lives.”

Grief too much to bear

Erica Williams lost her 11-year-old son, Wyatt Herres, in a drunken driving crash in Spokane Valley just days before Christmas 2007. She vowed to remember him by working with MADD, but there were times when grief seemed to consume her, said her father, Daryl Williams.

“There were times we both cried together and there were times she needed strength, so I held my lip and just let her talk,” he said. “Normally, by the end of our conversations she was back up.”

Earlier this month, the 30-year-old was found dead in her Spokane Valley home. Authorities say Williams, a diabetic and recovering drug addict, went to sleep and never woke up. Her father doesn’t believe drugs played a factor – he blames her death on a diabetic reaction, coupled with overwhelming grief.

“I think her heart was just broken,” he said.

Sawyer’s death weighed heavily on Williams’ mind the past few weeks, her father said. She cried often, but said she wanted to stay strong for her other son, Orion, 8. She hoped that by working with MADD and talking about her drug addiction and intense grief, she could help to prevent other tragedies.

“Lots of times when you’re talking to people they say, ‘You don’t know where I’ve been; you don’t know what I’ve gone through,’ ” Williams said. “Erica’s whole outlook was, ‘No, I have been through this. I do know what I’m talking about.’ “

William R. Keizer, 45, pleaded guilty in April to causing the crash that killed Wyatt and is serving four years in prison. Erica Williams met Keizer in court and the two hugged.

The Frisbies haven’t met Jabaay, but they’ve forgiven him. They point to their own drunken driving as the reason.

But ” ‘I forgive him’ doesn’t mean I’m not mad as hell at him,” Kaye Frisbie said.

Overwhelming support

Pat, Kaye, Christian and Sawyer Frisbie moved to Dallesport, Wash., about a year ago and were in town visiting family for the Memorial Day holiday.

Kaye Frisbie was driving the family’s car south on Fourth Avenue about 9:45 p.m. when she attempted to turn east onto Interstate 90. That’s when police say Jabaay ran a red light and slammed his 2006 Ford F-150 pickup into the side of the Frisbies’ 1990 Mazda hatchback. He attempted to flee the scene, according to police, but the Frisbies say he was apprehended by an employee at a nearby gas station. Jabaay, whose bail is $750,000, declined an interview request from The Spokesman-Review.

The Frisbies know the danger of dealing with the grief that’s consumed them. They work to stay strong for Christian and say the support they’ve received from friends, family and strangers is overwhelming.

Since the crash destroyed the family car, they had several offers of other vehicles. They drove their donated van back to Dallesport on June 7.

They’re not sure if they’ll get involved in anti-drunken driving groups such as MADD. They say they need to focus on grieving and recovering right now.

Linda Thompson, a Spokane coordinator with MADD, said that’s what she tells grieving parents looking to get involved with the organization.

“It takes a while just to get over the physical shock of losing someone,” Thompson said. “You just have to concentrate on breathing.”

And that’s what she said when Erica Williams called wanting to help.

“She was so devastatingly sad that I just had to say, ‘We need to make sure you’re OK first,’ ” Thompson said. “You could hear in her voice just how heartbroken she was. … It was heart-wrenching.”

Thompson lost her 3-year-old son, Trevor Pierce, to a drunken driver nearly 22 years ago. Thompson said her recovery was aided by her love for her daughter, Katee, who survived the crash.

“If you don’t have that, the emptiness is so vast you can’t even wrap your arms around it,” she said.

Pat Frisbie returned to his construction job this week. Christian is recovering physically but, like his mother, is struggling emotionally, Pat Frisbie said. He spends a lot of time at friends’ houses. Reminders of Sawyer and what the family lost appear constantly. They’ve altered their daily routines to avoid those reminders and plan to move to a new home as soon as possible.

Pat Frisbie offered this explanation for their challenging task: “Basically, start over but don’t forget about Sawyer.”

Meghann M. Cuniff can be reached at (509) 459-5534 or meghannc@spokesman.com.