Facial hair a big turn-off

Dear Harriette: I cannot stand facial hair on men! I’ve been dating a guy for about five months now and, all of a sudden, he has decided to grow out his beard for the winter. I cannot bear the stubble touching my face and have asked him to shave, but I think he thinks I’m kidding around. Perhaps I’m just really picky, but this might be a deal breaker for me, particularly if he grows a beard every winter. How can I get him to take me seriously? I don’t even want to cuddle with him anymore. — Paula, Berlin, N.J.

Dear Paula: It’s funny. It usually takes at least a year to see the various facets of a person’s behavior, temperament and life choices. You’ve been with this man for five months — while it’s been warm. Now that the weather is changing, he’s doing something that may be his common practice. You are outraged.

I think there could be a compromise in your future. Before you put your foot down about the stubble, give him a chance to get his beard where he wants it to be. Yes, beards can be very uncomfortable for a man’s partner in the early days, but many beards get to a point fairly quickly where the hairs soften. They need to get long enough and then be tended to with a small brush and even a softening agent — preferably a lotion with little or no fragrance.

Tell your guy that while this beard thing is really hard for you, you want to see if you can grow to live with it. Make a sincere effort. Most beards get comfy in time.

Dear Harriette: My mother and I are practically twins, and it’s pretty easy to select gifts for her because we wear similar sizes. The problem is that my younger sister has started to borrow all of the recent gifts I’ve given my mom, so much so that I’m beginning to think that my mom doesn’t like any of the gifts I’ve ever given her. I asked her, and she said that she’s loved every gift. If that’s true, why would she let my sister claim practically every item for herself? — Isis, Whitestone, N.Y.

Dear Iris: Could it be that your mom recognizes the competition that exists between you and your sister for her time, attention and love? One of the odd things about siblings is that very often, they subconsciously compete with each other in one way or another. Your sister is probably jealous that you and your mother are, in your words, “practically twins.” She may feel like the odd person out and needs to feel special, so she swipes your mother’s gifts.

Start giving special things to your sister, too. Ensure that she knows you love her and think she’s beautiful. Stop interrogating your mother about how she uses the gifts you’ve given her. Once you give something to someone, what happens to it is out of your hands.