Welcome to the bungle

Axl Rose is virtually bubbling over with anger at Dr Pepper.

The Guns N’ Roses singer says the beverage maker profited from the band’s name, then botched its promised giveaway of a free 20-ounce soda to every person in America.

Dr Pepper said in March that it would offer the freebies if the group’s “Chinese Democracy” album were released this year.

Notorious for being delayed since recording began in 1994, the album went on sale Sunday.

But Dr. Pepper’s Web site malfunctioned during the 24 hours it offered the free pop.

“The redemption scheme your company clumsily implemented for this offer was an unmitigated disaster which defrauded consumers and, in the eyes of vocal fans, ‘ruined’ the day of ‘Chinese Democracy’s’ release,” a Guns N’ Roses lawyer wrote to Dr. Pepper. “Now it is time to clean up the mess.”

The letter demanded a full-page apology in major newspapers, an expanded time period to redeem the soda; and “an appropriate payment to our clients for the unauthorized use and abuse of their publicity and intellectual property rights.”

That’s reality for you

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt – the reality-TV couple whose on-again, off-again relationship has been chronicled by MTV’s “The Hills” – appear on the cover of Us Weekly with the headline “Heidi & Spencer Elope!”

But the couple acknowledge their wedding ceremony near Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, was merely symbolic, not legally binding.

“Like other elopements that happen outside the country, we’ll take care of the legal details when we get home,” the couple said in a statement – but didn’t specify when.

Not even a dress rehearsal

Beyonce, who for months refused to ’fess up to her April nuptials with Jay-Z, says her parents taught her that marriage isn’t easy.

“My parents are tighter now than ever, but they’ve been through it all,” the 27-year-old singer says.

“I learned that it’s a lot of hard work, that it’s more than a dress.”

Last call for diaper duty

Carson Daly, host of NBC’s late-night “Last Call,” is expecting his first child with his girlfriend of a year, Siri Pinter, who worked as an assistant on the show.

“They’re both thrilled,” Daly’s rep says. “He’s always wanted to be a dad.”

Lock, stock and a cool $70 mil

Contrary to popular reports, Guy Ritchie is not walking away “without a penny” in his divorce from Madonna, according to gossip maven Liz Smith.

Smith says that the British film director will get “about $70 million” from the settlement.

Not that Ritchie is exactly short on cash; he was paid $4 million for his new picture, “Sherlock Holmes.”

The birthday bunch

Motown Records founder Berry Gordy Jr. is 79. Singer Randy Newman is 65. Musician Paul Shaffer (“Late Show With David Letterman”) is 59. Actor Ed Harris is 58. Actress S. Epatha Merkerson (“Law and Order”) is 56. Actor Judd Nelson is 49. Comedian Jon Stewart (“The Daily Show”) is 46. Musician apl.de.ap (Black Eyed Peas) is 34. Rapper Chamillionaire is 29.