Caliendo speaks in many voices
Comedian Frank Caliendo has a lot to talk about. His TBS comedy series, “Frank TV” – which features his impersonations of celebrities such as Al Pacino and John Madden – begins its second season tonight.
But talking to Caliendo is like trying to play a game of “Hollywood Squares” in which all of the celebrities have decided to talk at once.
Question: Were you a class clown in school?
Answer: “Yeah, a little bit. I mean, I always knew when to stop. I would not get in trouble. I was voted second funniest person.”
Q: What happened to the first?
A: “He’s doing movies. I don’t know.”
(As President George Bush) “That’s all I could come up with. My brain’s frozificated.”
Q: Have you had the opportunity to meet any of the people that you impersonate?
A: “I’ve done ‘Letterman’ a bunch of times. And the last time I went on as a guest, he said, ‘Do you do me?’ knowing that I did the impression of him. And I started to do it, and I could feel the audience tighten up.”
(As David Letterman) “Paul, could you, could you get me a piece of cheese?”
(As Caliendo) “And then the audience tightened up, and then Dave just started crying, he was laughing so hard.”
Q: Have you met President Bush?
A: “I’ve never performed for President Bush. I did the correspondence dinner with Dick Cheney right after he shot the guy in the face.
“Originally the president was supposed to be there. But then he had a little Cancunification he had to do. The only time a summit’s ever been in Cancun.”
(As President Bush) “Woo-woo spring break. What’s going on?”
(As Caliendo) “Then I realized it’s probably good that he wasn’t there because he didn’t know I was going to be doing this stuff. I looked over to Cheney halfway through …”
(As Vice President Cheney) “… I can’t stand this guy, Dick. Pull.”
(As Caliendo) “And I did do that joke for Cheney. He almost fell off the chair, he was laughing so hard he looked like the Penguin from ‘Batman.’ ”
Q: What’s your best impression?
A: “I think President Bush has become pretty good. Madden, Pacino. I like the Charles Barkley. I like more obscure stuff. There’s stuff that I just can’t do a lot of on the show because you can’t base a whole sketch on. You can’t do a whole Rip Torn sketch. Jeff Goldblum is a great one. But how long can you sustain a Jeff Goldblum impression? Because Goldblum will commit to something 100 percent, and then he does a complete 180. That’s his whole thing. It’ll be like ‘What’s your favorite food, Jeff?’ ”
(As Jeff Goldblum) “I like hot dogs, you know. They’re very, very good. I like hot dogs. Mustard, ketchup, relish, all kinds of things. Chili dogs are good. Cheesy dogs are even better. Wait a second. I’m a vegetarian.”
The birthday bunch
Actress Joan Fontaine is 91. Actor Christopher Lloyd is 70. Actor Derek Jacobi is 70. Actor Tony Roberts is 69. Actress Annette Funicello is 66. Actress Catherine Deneuve is 65. Actor Jeff Goldblum is 56. Bassist Cris Kirkwood of Meat Puppets is 48. Singer-songwriter John Wesley Harding is 43. Comedian Carlos Mencia is 41. Country singer Shelby Lynne is 40. Rapper Tracey Lee is 38. Drummer Zac Hanson of Hanson is 23. Actor Jonathan Lipnicki (“Jerry Maguire”) is 18.