Arrow-right Camera

The Spokesman-Review Newspaper The Spokesman-Review

Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
Clear Night 31° Clear
News >  Features

Because of kids, get help for abuse

Kathy Mitchell And Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been married for more than 15 years and have two children. Our son has a severe disability, and I stay home to care for him. Annie, I think my husband is a sociopath. People think everything is wonderful, but behind closed doors, he is physically and emotionally abusive to my daughter and me.

Every problem in his life is someone else’s fault – usually mine. His main problem is that I don’t satisfy his sexual desires. He is addicted to Internet porn and expects me to act out his sexual fantasies, which involve bondage and torture. I had no idea he was like this when I married him, and I have no interest in participating in such sick and revolting fetishes.

I don’t have family support, and counseling is out of the question because I don’t have the money. My husband has no respect for me or our family, but he’s so charming, I doubt anyone would believe our situation. From outward appearances, he seems like a dream husband. What should I do? – Married to an Invisible Monster

Dear Married: No one should live with an abuser, especially when children are at risk. Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (ndvh.org) at (800) 799-SAFE (800-799-7233) and ask for help. You also can receive free or low-cost counseling through your clergyperson, university psychology departments, United Way, the YMCA, local hospitals, the American Association of Pastoral Counselors (aapc.org) and the American Counseling Association (counseling.org) at (800) 347-6647. Don’t wait.

Dear Annie: Last week I was told by our office manager that the director “doesn’t like your hairstyle and you need to do something with it.” Annie, my hair is growing back from chemo. I was extremely upset by this and went home in tears.

Annie, I could understand if my hair was green or in dreadlocks, but it’s not. Now I’m being told I may lose my job. What do you think? – Trying My Best

Dear Trying: We think your director may be in violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act since your hairstyle is a result of chemotherapy treatment. Check with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (eeoc.gov) at 1-800-669-4000. The director’s reaction to your hair seems peculiar and punitive. If she has a boss, we strongly urge you to take this to a higher authority.

Dear Readers: We are carrying on the tradition that April 2 be set aside as Reconciliation Day, a time to make the first move toward mending broken relationships. It also could be the day on which we agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend or estranged family member, and do our best to start over.

E-mail to Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar anniesmailbox@comcast.net.
The Spokesman-Review Newspaper

Local journalism is essential.

Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are not tax deductible, but are predominately used to help meet the local financial requirements needed to receive national matching-grant funds.

Subscribe to the Coronavirus newsletter

Get the day’s latest Coronavirus news delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.



Annual health and dental insurance enrollment period open now

 (Courtesy Washington Healthplanfinder)
Sponsored

2020 has been a stressful year for myriad reasons.