The Slice: Tell ’em you read it in ‘the paper’

Everyone in the Inland Northwest knows all about “The Lake.”

Newcomers inevitably are amused by the local habit of not naming the particular body of water when referring to outdoor recreation plans. People just say they’re “going to the lake.”

Ha ha.

I’m quite sure I took note of this quirk after moving here. And I can tell you that many, many, many others have done so within my earshot in the years since.

I suppose every transplant has a right to his or her turn saying “Which lake?” It would be unfair of me to suggest that they be denied their chance to repeat an observation that hasn’t been remotely original since before statehood.

I have to tell you, though. I’m sick of the whole thing.

But maybe there’s a way to address this without being mean or sounding bored. Perhaps if lakes were not the only things Spokane area residents were pointedly vague about, newcomers wouldn’t feel the need to point it out.

So let’s try this. This spring and summer, when you find yourself in the presence of a newcomer, feel free to employ our clarity-lacking “the lake” construction to describe other things.

If people encounter this phrasing often enough, it’s bound to lose its novelty even faster than it already does.

Here are a few to get started.

The job: “Where do you work?”

“The business.”

Your family: “Your son seems nice. What’s his name?”

“The youth.”

Your residence: “Where do you live?”

“The neighborhood.”

Sporting interest: “Do you root for anyone in particular?”

“Oh, yes. The team.”

Pets: “Do you guys have a dog or cat?”

“We have the animal.”

Dining: “Where do you like to go out to eat?”

“The restaurant.”

Your health and well-being: “Why are you limping?”

“The weekend.”

OK, let’s move on.

•Marmot Lodge update: I know I have taken pride in never having held a meeting. But I am toying with the idea of a modest, low-key gathering one evening this summer.

I don’t really want to pursue this if it is going to involve rental fees, waivers, liability insurance and armed security. But I kind of want to show everyone the secret Marmot Lodge handshake. And that’s something I really need to do in person.

Let me know if you might be interested.

•Today’s Slice question: What kind of a nightclub bouncer would you make?